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Making Dallas Even Better

‘There Is a 100 Percent Chance Mark Cuban Becomes President’

That’s what Silicon Valley investor Chris Sacca, a former Google employee and sometimes co-star of Cuban’s on ABC’s Shark Tank, told CNBC this week:

Sacca noted that Cuban could be at least as successful as Trump were he were to campaign for leader of the free world.

“The minute you’re coined a billionaire in this country, everyone just takes everything you say as gospel. You can say no wrong,” Sacca said. “And that’s why we see Trump skating in. He says asinine things and everyone says ‘well, he’s a successful business guy.’ Cuban has all of that, but is not an idiot.”

So if we factor in a massive Trump flop this fall, and the Republican Party still trying to stitch itself together in the aftermath come 2020, then we’ll get two terms of Hillary Clinton.

Cuban 2024?

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Podcast: LeeAnne Locken of Real Housewives of Dallas on Her Carny Past and the Show’s Future

Despite all that Tim has written in each of of his episode recaps of the first three installments of Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Dallas, series star LeeAnne Locken was game to appear at the Old Monk on Thursday afternoon to chat about the show — and game enough for another cringe-inducing (for me anyway) game of iPhone roulette.

Before you listen to what turned out to be the second-longest episode in the illustrious history of EarBurner, please note:

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Leading Off (4/29/16)

Cowboys Select Ezekiel Elliott. With the fourth pick in this year’s NFL draft, Dallas took the Ohio State running back. Reviews of the decision are mixed, with some suggesting they should have gone with Florida State cornerback Jalen Ramsey instead. The Cowboys also tried — and failed — to trade up to get another first-round pick with which to select Memphis quarterback Paxton Lynch as Tony Romo’s heir.

Dallas ISD Votes to Buy New Headquarters. The $46.5 million purchase was approved by board trustees in the earliest hour of Friday morning. The building, at 9400 N. Central Expressway, will consolidate the district’s headquarters and 15 other offices in one place. DISD anticipates the change will produce tens of millions of dollars in savings by 2021. Trustees were divided on the matter, which got the go-ahead on a 5-3 vote. Trustees Bernadette Nutall, Joyce Foreman, and Lew Blackburn opposed the purchase, expressing concerns about how it’s being funded and about the district headquarters moving six miles north of its current relatively central location. Some employees could be relocated to what’s being called the Dallas ISD Education by the end of the year, with the entire moving process taking about four years.

Blackie Sherrod, RIP. Sherrod, who died of natural causes at age 96 on Thursday afternoon, is being remembered as “the greatest Texas sportswriter of his generation.”

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Everything this Dallas Housewife Touches Turns to Instagram Followers

So, Jen Coleman isn’t exactly a housewife, and she doesn’t really live in Dallas, but none of the “real housewives” of Real Housewives fit that profile, so I stand by my decision to use those words.

Jen Coleman actually lives in this awesome Rowlett A-frame with her kindergartner and husband (who, by the way, is an easy-on-the-eyes fireman). And she seems to have cracked the code when it comes to being a mom and making a living.

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The Oak Cliff DISD Trustee Race Has Turned Ugly

Early voting has begun for the May 7 joint elections, which feature many ISD races. As I wrote about in my May column in D Magazine, this is an especially crucial vote for Dallas ISD, with four seats up for grabs. I point out that, contrary to popular opinion, the school board has overcome status quo efforts to maintain the status quo, putting in place important reforms that will help poor kids throughout the district. (Which, in turn, will help the city at large.)

Since I wrote that column about six weeks ago, one race has become awash in nastiness. Which happens, right? It’s local politics.

Except this time, that nastiness includes not just political operatives but also City Council members. In fact, the council members have become political operatives in these ISD races in ways that make me very queasy, in part because the folks doing this include people I admire and consider friends. Which means this is not going to be fun. Let’s do a little FAQ to get you caught up:

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Are the Stars Trying To Keep Blues Fans From Buying Tickets?

A friend of mine was buying tickets on Ticketmaster for the first game of the Stars-Blues series, and he noticed a warning right before he clicked “buy.” He sent it along:

*** VERY IMPORTANT !! *** Sales to the Dallas Stars 2016 Stanley Cup Playoffs games at American Airlines Center will be restricted to residents of Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana and Arkansas. Residency will be based on credit card billing address. Orders by residents outside of this area will be cancelled without notice and refunds given. This restriction does not apply to resale tickets.

Let’s say there’s a huge Blues fan who lives in St. Louis. He happens to be in Dallas tomorrow on a business trip. He can’t buy tickets to the game? How is that even legal?

Leading Off (4/28/16)

Midlothian Murder Gets Stranger. Now the father-in-law of the woman killed by the mysterious stalker who was caught on camera says that the blood found on his (the father-in-law’s) clothes by a dry cleaner came from a dog fight that he (the father-in-law) broke up. Sorry, I mean a sister-in-law of the victim says that. But whatever. The answer is out there. Somewhere.

Big Spring Wins Historic Preservation. This is great. The Dallas City Council did something right and voted unanimously to protect a bit of natural history. Take heart.

Whom Will the Cowboys Draft? I have some friends who are meeting tonight at 1st & 10 to watch the draft. I don’t get it. Never have. I mean, I get 1st & 10. Good bar. Solid burgers. But the draft? I guess I’d rather watch the draft than an episode of Real Housewives, but that ain’t saying much. Anyway, read this if you care.

Once Again, the Art Ball Leaves the DMA Looking Not Great

Well, at least a crane didn’t crash into the facade this time and workers didn’t smash up the stairs and it appears as though the trees are gonna be OK. Probably. But, of course, after being covered by a floor in an ad hoc tent that had all manner of fancy people dancing or whatever on it, the front lawn looks like — and this is an industry term, so try not to get confused — garbage. I’m sure it’s the only site that makes sense and it’s worth the time and effort to revive the grass. I’m just a simple carpenter. What do I know about anything? I mean, in this case. Obviously, I know a lot about a lot of things, including street-crew-based dance movies, the numerical history of the Dallas Mavericks’ roster, and the various smells of downtown Dallas.

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City Council Gives Zale Corp. $450K to Sort-of Move to Dallas

The Dallas City Council just voted this morning to grant Zale Corporation up to $450,000 to move out of Irving. Luring a corporate headquarters to town is generally considered an accomplishment worth crowing about, but take a look (above) at where the company plans to build its new $45 million complex.

The dark gray line represents the city limits. You can see on the map that Zale’s plan is to move just a couple miles away to the little island territory of Dallas around North Lake, as part of the Cypress Waters development. It’s an area even farther from the center of Dallas than is Zale’s existing headquarters. Some of you may not even have realized that land was part of the city. It was annexed back in the 1950s when Dallas Power and Light (which became TXU) needed a cooling reservoir for a new electric plant.

In return for the city’s largesse, staff members estimate the economic impact to the city of $11.3 million over 10 years. Outlaying $450,000 for a return of $11.3 million obviously seems like a no-brainer.

However, when Councilman Mark Clayton probed for more information about the estimate during the council’s discussion period, it was disclosed that only about $800,00 would come back to the city as direct tax revenue. The vast majority of that $11.3 million is based on estimating the impact of the hundreds of new employees that will, according to the underlying logic, come to live, work, and play in Dallas (spending money all along the way).

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Leading Off (4/27/16)

All the most awful news in one convenient place. Investigators believe the Midlothian fitness trainer murdered in a church nine days ago was in fact targeted, but by whom they do not know. Up north, the Collin County medical examiner concluded that a Frisco mom, found dead in her car with her three children still alive, died of an intentional overdose of antihistamine medication. Finally, out west, a Haltom City grandma was booked in the Tarrant County jail on charges relating to the scalding death of the toddler CPS had put in her custody.

Local man’s son still not doing so hot in primaries. In spite of Sunday’s announcement that Ted Cruz and John Kasich were joining forces to stop the Republican front-runner, Donald Trump went on to sweep all five states in Tuesday’s primaries. Cruz was also Twitter-pummeled for using the words “basketball ring” in the Hoosier State yesterday. On the Democratic side, Hillary Clinton lost only Rhode Island to Bernie Sanders.

Johnny Manziel indicted, enjoys bieber show. The former football pro was officially indicted yesterday on a misdemeanor assault charge. Manziel allegedly restrained, assaulted, and kidnapped his ex-girlfriend in Dallas in January. Last night, he was seen at a Justin Bieber concert in Cleveland.

“Hail no” headlines abound during storm threat. Ok, I only spotted one, but last night’s much-hyped storm deserved more. Grayson County was hit by tornadoes, but thankfully the grapefruit-sized hail meteorologists feared never appeared in Dallas. News outlets posted pic after pic of the extreme measures North Texas car owners took to avoid hail damage yesterday. Now what I’d really like to see is coverage of those folks as they peel sopping mattresses and pick bits of wet cardboard off their Hondas this morning. Send it my way! [email protected]

The Real Housewives of Dallas Episode 3 Recap

Once again, my personal problems are of no concern to you. How bored would you be by the story of my house being flooded by a burst washing machine supply hose? What do you care about my hardwoods and the army of fans deployed throughout my house, making an infernal racket, forcing me to turn up the volume on my TV to watch The Real Housewives of Dallas to the point where my wife had trouble hearing the insurance adjuster on the phone? All you care about is the recap. I understand. I am here to satisfy you — much like the cowboy ecdysiasts at LaBare that we meet in Episode 3, titled “Making Frenemies.”

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Leading Off (4/26/16)

Jury seated for Mexican drug cartel murder case. A jury in Fort Worth will hear opening statements today in a trial of the men charged in the murder of a Mexican drug cartel lawyer. Jesus Gerardo Ledezma Cepeda and Jose Luis Cepeda Cortes are on trial for gunning down Juan Jesus Guerrero Chapa in 2013 in Southlake. They were charged with interstate stalking and conspiracy to commit murder for hire.

Johnny Manziel indicted, will plead “not guilty.” A Dallas County grand jury voted to indict Manziel on misdemeanor domestic violence charges. The indictment will become official today, and Manziel’s attorney, Bob Hinton, says that his client will plead “not guilty” to assaulting his ex-girlfriend, Colleen Crowley.

Mavs done in playoffs. A 118-104 loss to Oklahoma City yesterday means that the Mavs have stopped short of the second playoff round for the fifth year in a row. The combined injuries on the team added up, and their efforts just weren’t enough to surpass the Thunder. But I’ll always be hopeful for the coming year.

This afternoon brings severe weather threat. Storms are expected later today throughout North Texas with the possibility of hail and tornadoes. Stay safe out there.

GQ Says WFAA Just Killed #RunningManChallenge

Monica Hernandez and Wes Houx of WFAA-Channel 8 gave the latest viral dance craze, the #RunningManChallenge, a go yesterday on their morning news show.

GQ was less than complimentary of their efforts:

And yet, you never really know how strong a dance craze is until it’s attempted by a couple of daytime local news anchors. Yesterday, Monica and Wes of WPAA in Dallas became the unfortunate pair to do just that. First, after falsely attributing the dance to the U of M players, Monica then went on to explain how her fiancé challenged her and her co-anchor, and then, like pure dumpster-fire poetry in motion, they launched into it.

Cause of death: an astounding dearth of rhythm. But then, with a swift dagger of white dorkiness as if to ensure the running man challenge’s death, Wes comes in and dabs.

However, there might actually be something nice about the running man challenge dying before it ever really lived. After all, if this went on for a few more weeks, we’d probably have to watch Hillary Clinton do it on Ellen.

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