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A Case of Spontaneous Generation?

A law-practicing FrontBurnervian has an interesting wildlife scenario unfolding in his backyard. I figured someone here could help:

I recently noticed two bluegills swimming among our koi and goldfish in our pond. We live near a creek — but far enough away that it would be a fairly long trek for two fish to flop. Plus, they would have to scale a stone wall. My wife points to their appearance as further support of her virgin-birth explanation for our first and third children. I pointed out that the bluegills’ appearance would technically fall in the category of spontaneous generation, and didn’t we agree that we weren’t going to talk about that anymore? Does anyone in the FrontBurner nation have a theory on how they got there? The fish, that is.

Scenes From the New Office (One in a Series)

We’ve been here now a month, but the job of decorating the place is still under way. Today this showed up in the men’s bathroom.

Celebrate Veterans Day The Best Way Possible

By watching clips of dogs welcoming home their soldier owners from tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. (Don’t watch the last clip — which is not of dogs, but of little kids — if you work in an office where openly weeping at your desk is frowned upon.)

(H/T: everyone on the Internet today)

Bruce Parrott, Potentially Anthropomorphic District 3 School Board Candidate

I should probably, at this point, have further investigated the various candidates for the District 3 spot on the Dallas ISD school board, since that’s the district in which I vote. I’ve been busy. I’m sorry. But, in a way, I have been paying attention to at least one candidate. His name is Bruce Parrott. I drive past his signs every day. After a month or so of staring at those signs while stopped at this light or that, I’ve come to a conclusion. Based on his name and general appearance, I believe Bruce Parrott to be an anthropomorphic parrot. That’s right. A real bird. I don’t know how it happened, but there it is. I also may be staying up too late.

I don’t know. You tell me if I’m crazy, based on the most recent head shot I could find. It’s after the jump.

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My New-Found Love for SMU’s Diminutive Mascot

I’m told by someone who would know that SMU is going to unveil a new mascot at the Navy game, on the 17th. Anyone hear anything about this? The Internet isn’t talking to me right now. Apparently June Jones is doing the same thing for SMU that he did for Hawaii, when he upgraded them from the Rainbows to the Rainbow Warriors. That little pony named Peruna will get himself a big brother, an actual mustang. All of which I offer as an explanation for why I was doing some Peruna research. Says here the little guy not only has tried to have intercourse with another mascot (Tech’s horse), but he’s actually killed another mascot (Fordham ram). I think this sort of behavior could be leveraged to increase attendance at games. You listening, June?

Cowboys Fans Celebrate Win With a Bang (NSFW)

… in the “Hall of Fame Level” bathrooms at the brand new broken in Cowboys Stadium in Arlington. No joke. Two fans clad in Michael Irvin throwback jerseys decided that all the excitement of a thoroughly lackluster win by Romo and the Boys could only be sated by a quickie in one of Jerry’s marble-tiled handicap bathroom stalls.

This definitely NSFW link will take you to the Deadspin post that includes video of the pair drunkenly going at it. The video is very short, but in IMHO the dude was over served and lacking in the imagination department. Is it wrong that I hear Brad Sham’s voice saying, “Irvin loves Irving Irvin,” every time I watch it?

Also, check out photographer Eliot Boney’s website. He’s the guy with the apropos name taking credit for the masterful camera work. No word yet on who the two Irvin wannabees are. My question: Where was security while this was going on?

Comments are on like Donkey Kong. Who’s got the best Chris Berman play-by-play?

Stefan Merrill Block Digs Plano Coyotes

If you know the name “Stefan Merrill Block,” then you probably read his well-reviewed debut novel, The Story of Forgetting. If you don’t know the name, then no matter. You should read his essay from today’s New York Times about coyotes in Plano (among other things). Good stuff.

City Finally Allows North Haven Gardens to Sell Chickens

A couple of months ago, just as North Haven Gardens was getting its urban henkeeping program up and running, the city stepped in and cried “fowl.” (Sorry — we’re deep into shipping the October ish, and I’m getting a bit punchy.) North Haven was allowed to continue selling supplies for backyard coops and hold basic henkeeping classes. But the heart of the garden center’s efforts — actually selling hens — was cut out. Today, North Haven got good news: “The city is changing the certificate of occupancy. Right now we are zoned to sell plants and related garden center products. The city has now said that chickens are garden related.” Full disclosure: that quote comes from my wife, Nikki, who works there. Anyway, on September 19, North Haven will have pullets (juvenile hens) for sale at the store. And Nikki now owes me one. So everyone wins.

Leading Off (8/14/09)

1. Oncor was awarded a $115 million rate increase by the Public Utility Commission ($2.50 to $3 per customer), less than half the increase it was asking for. The increase will (among other things) help pay for new smart meters, because the old smart meters seemed really smart until you got a few beers in them, and then they started talking about how Obama was born in Afghanistan and such.

2. Chesapeake Energy Corp. has shut down two wells that have been linked to recent earthquakes in Cleburne, including one well that was drilled near a fault line that runs through DFW airport. Wait. Through DFW Airport? Doesn’t that feel like I’m burying the lead here?

3. And that (still-moving) car on Southwest Loop 820 that was rammed by that (now-dead) bull? The (still-shaken) driver had survived three tours in Iraq.

Spay/Neuter Program For DFW Pets Seeking Emergency Funds

The Metroplex Animal Coalition says it spayed and neutered 1,081 dogs and cats owned by low-income families from January through June. That compares to 1,977 surgeries all last year, and 1,257 the year before. The bad news is, the program that’s free to low-income pet owners is running out of dough. As a result, the MAC is asking for emergency, tax-deductible contributions to keep the program going. To pony up, click here and go to the Patt Davis Memorial Spay/Neuter Fund link. Now.

Leading Off (7/31/09)

1. The City Council kicked off its retreat at Garrett Creek Ranch in Paradise, where members will try to figure out how to solve the city’s budget deficit, set priorities for the new year, and see if Tripper can lead them to a victory over the rich jerks from Camp Mohawk.

2. The Dallas Zoo could get new ownership, as the City Council seems open to a plan to have it run by the Dallas Zoological Society. Dallas would still have to contribute annual lump-sum payments—which sound suspiciously to me like elephant loans.

3. And, high-end condo sales in Dallas are still suffering. This news brought to you by the years 2008 to 2011.

Leading Off (7/21/09)

1. As if the towing business wasn’t shady enough, the Dallas Morning News reports that two Dallas County constables have “embarked on aggressive and unregulated towing operations using a company with a troubled history in the auto-salvage business.” That’s a rather objective way of saying, if you’ve ever been towed by Dowdy Ferry Auto Services, blame constables Derick Evans and Jaime Cortes. Oh, and, yes, the owner of the towing company has contributed to both their campaigns.

2. Those nice young boys knocking on your door and offering to sell you an alarm system? I know this may shock you, so prepare yourself: it could be a scam.

3. Richardson plant store owners set up security cameras to catch a burglar stealing their inventory. They called the cops after they watched the tape, even though the thief turned out to be a monkey. (”You really aren’t going to believe this …”) Monkey’s motive? Home decorating project? Or just spruce up the back yard? I guess it could be the same thing, huh?

While We’re On the Subject of Preventable Deaths

A friend-of-a-friend FBvian checks in with this:

To go along with your story about kids drowning, stating the obvious, preventable deaths… it also really infuriates me when people leave their dogs in the car in the summer. Today I was having lunch at Eatzi’s and heard barking from a car on Lemmon in front of that strip of stores. I walked across the street, found a terrier in a car with the window cracked one inch, and proceeded to go into every store until I found the idiot who thought that was okay. Then I verbally b***h-slapped him, and made sure he got that dog out of the car.

If it’s 87 degrees outside, indoor car temp is 115. If it’s 104, indoor temp can reach up to 120, even with windows cracked (via www.mydogiscool.com).

I hope people are getting the message about not leaving babies in the car when it’s this hot, but let’s also not forget about our furry friends. They’re just as helpless.

There’s my rant.

Second that.

Jenny the Elephant Gets a New Friend

No, not Lily Tomlin. Or Angela Hunt. Or that person who complained in the comments that I hated animals. (Erroneous!) No, it’s Gypsy, a 27-year-old companion who arrived in March, but was just introduced to Jenny.

Mistreated White Lions Find New Home In Wylie

Jazz, Shazam, and Sheila, white lions seized from a Kaufman County wildlife exhibitor, are adjusting to their new home at In-Sync Exotics in Wylie. It’s probably going to take awhile, since they arrived there on Friday with pressure sores from lying in one spot, and so malnourished they have trouble eating or even keeping their heads up. “I’d call this probably the worst I’ve gotten,” Vicky Keahey, who runs In-Sync, says. But, she adds, at least they’re not scared of their new surroundings:

“With them, it’ll be an issue of getting healthy. Not being fed and [being] neglected leads to other problems.”

There is one bright spot for Keahey. At least she didn’t have to take in this White Lion.

North Haven Gardens To Host Texas Premiere of Mad City Chickens

Alternate Hed: Making My Wife Happy Through The Magic Of Blogging

Full disclosure: My wife, Nikki, works at North Haven Gardens. If you read SideDish, and you should, you probably already know that. Okay, now that that is out of the way, the good stuff: NHG is hosting the Texas premiere of Mad City Chickens …

… a sometimes serious, sometimes whimsical look at the people who keep urban chickens in their backyards. From chicken experts and authors to a rescued landfill hen or an inexperienced family that decides to take the poultry plunge — and even a mad scientist and giant hen taking to the streets — it’s a humorous and heartfelt trip through the world of backyard chickendom.

There will be two free screenings: August 8 at 2:30 PM and August 9 at 1 PM. And since North Haven has jumped headlong into the world of raising urban chickens — believe me, I’ve heard plenty about this — if you feel inspired, they can get you started. Hit the link for more info.

Possum Murder at Mesquite Summer Camp Being Investigated

No one is exactly sure what happened at Mesquite’s Camp Rorie Galloway, except that a possum and its young were killed by a 15-year-old camp counselor in front of a passel of young campers. A few stories are floating around, and a few different reasons — self defense, ignorance of how to handle a wild animal situation, terror — but no one is too concerned. At least about the possum: apparently, they’re considered “nuisance animals,” and castle doctrine applies; they can be killed if they’re on your property pretty much no matter what. Kind of a bizarre story.

Is The TABC Out of Control?

The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission is a powerful agency in the state of Texas. They regulate the sales, taxation, importation, manufacturing, transporting, and advertising of alcoholic beverages.

Over the years, I’ve heard some horror stories from bar and restaurant owners. Yesterday, I ran an interview with Rainmaker Restaurant Group owner Michael Costa. He manages Las Colinas Prime and claims that the TABC harasses them to the point of scaring away customers. During a recent raid, Costa claims an agent pulled a gun on one of the cooks in the kitchen because he had a knife in his hands.

Early Sunday morning, officers with the TABC and Fort Worth police raided the Rainbow Lounge, a gay nightclub in Fort Worth. It’s sounds like it was a nasty scene. One patron ended up in the hospital with a brain injury.  Last night witnesses to the ordeal met at Buzzbrews on Lemmon to share stories.

Yow. Zah. I’m having flashbacks to Lee Park in 1971. Where is Stoney Burns when we need him? (Much watch video.) Operators are standing by for your comments.

PETA Protesters Slaughter Plush Toy Seals

A newly iPhone-equipped FBvian sends a pic taken in front of our new St. Paul Place building downtown. I can’t wait to move down there and get some of that big-city hustle and bustle!

Raise Some Cash for Cash, Hal Samples’ Bulldog

I wrote about Hal Samples a few times while I was at the Observer, and we’ve been friends since then. So I’ve around been Hal’s constant companion, a sweet bulldog named Cash, a ton of times. She’s been really sick lately, and is about to start chemotherapy. Vet bills and so on have left the two of them cash strapped, so there is a fund-raising shindig tonight at Hal’s studio, SPACE. Hit the link and you’ll find out about the art for sale, and without you having to go anywhere else, I’ll let you know that Robert Gomez and Sarah Jaffe are playing. 2814 Main in Deep Ellum. Starts at 7.