It’s just you and me talking now, Hawk to Hawk. Class of ’06 to class of ’04. Sourin Hall to McShain Hall. Jesuit-educated journalist to Jesuit-educated NBA point guard. And I’m just going to lay it out: come to Dallas. Following 10 years in that Mickey Moused hellscape of Orlando, you deserve better. You deserve Dallas.
Here are the things I can offer you:
1. I’ve already embarrassed myself by including my freshman ID photo in this post. If so desired, I will also upload my photo from the 2002-2003 SJU men’s rowing team media guide, which includes the highest ratio of puka-shell-necklaces-to-human-beings ever recorded.
2. Cheesesteaks! They pretty much all suck in Dallas! But I will endeavor to find you a palatable one, probably at The Truckyard.
3. Seedy off-campus bars, a la the Muddy Duck, whose Yelp reviews claim, “If you are an old fart and want to do shots with a bunch of Catholic hotties (and not have to buy) then St. Pat’s is a good day to visit.” We have seedy bars here, too! I will take you to Tradewinds and Ships and O’Malley’s and everywhere else.
4. Rest time. We’re roughly the same height, so if you’d like to sit out a few games, I can ably fill in. (Note: I have zero (0) days as a professional athlete under my belt, but am a fast learner and can take direction.)
5. Babysitting. What is Jameer, Jr. now, like 11, 12? Where does the time go? Maybe you don’t need a babysitter, actually. Sorry for bringing this up.
6. I tried to form a Dallas Saint Joseph’s Alumni Network when Delonte was here, but he rebuffed my advances. I also told him that he could sleep on my couch when he was, you know, a professional athlete who slept in a truck, so maybe that threw him off. ANYWAY, it would be you, me, and my wife. She’s lovely. We met my senior year. She’ll probably like you more than she likes me.
I hope this finds you well.
Class of ’06