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Read This Craig’s List Ad for a Used Mercedes and Just Try Not To Buy the Rig

An alert FrontBurnervian points us to a Craig’s List ad that you just have to read. A guy in North Dallas with a flair with words is selling a 1987 Mercedes 560 SEL. Does he like this car? Yes, he likes this car very much. A taste:

Does the 560 use a bit of gas when you hit the pedal? Does Mayor Rob Ford do heroin?! Of course it does! … But the trade-off for drinking premium gas like an SMU sorority pledge who just lost her promise ring at a keg party, is the acceleration and speed you’ll feel as you leave a carbon footprint the SIZE OF COWBOYS STADIUM! …

This particular car even comes with its own German mechanic who knows the car as intimately as Tommy Lee knows Pamela Anderson. He’s also handsome and speaks with an accent that is hard-to-place but would charm the DKNY pantsuit off your mother. His number and contact will be made available after purchase. What transpires between he and your mother is out of my control. Just be prepared to accept a giggly collect call from Milan or Dubai.

Still not convinced you need to own this magnificent piece of highly refined German machinery? For less than the price of a new iMac, you could be cruising down (or up) I-35 with the windows down and cranking Starship’s “Nothing’s Going to Stop Us Now” track (BTW: #5 on Billboard’s Top 100 List in 1987) as the dusty wind from the 635 construction project whips through you hair. Oh and as long as it’s on your iPod or iPhone because the original Becker Stereo doesn’t work. In fact, it needs work on the interior and some other minor odds and ends. If I were to keep it, I’d immediately get back to restoring it. But I’m out of room for cars and I’m having a fight with my wife.

I recommend you read the entire. Then call me when you’ve bought the car. I want to meet your mother.