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A Simple Proposal: Add a Petting Zoo of Real-Life Versions of NFL Mascots To Cowboys Stadium

"MY NAME IS MY NAME."
“MY NAME IS MY NAME.”

I mentioned this on Twitter earlier, which was an echo of a conversation I had with Peter Simek on, let’s see, I want to say Thursday of last week. Maybe Wednesday. It was after he got the press release announcing the unveiling of the new Anish Kapoor joint. Anyway. I started to wonder what the next step in the evolution of Cowboys Stadium, now that they’d take their whole “largest gallery in the world” thing out of doors. And then it hit me: a petting zoo of real-life versions of NFL mascots. Mainly, I guess, I mostly like the idea of some random guy from Houston stuck in there, along with, like, a guy from Cleveland named Frank Brown or something. You get the idea. But also: an eagle! A jaguar! A bear! Lots of other awesome animals and whatever we decide a titan should be! Pretty solid, right? Also, there would obviously be a giant, so we get a bit of an old P.T. Barnum situation. NOT BAD. Everything roaming together as much as is safely possible, so we have some situations like the photo I’ve included here, taken at the State Fair.

Jerry, I think you’ll see from my invoice that my consultant’s fee is pretty reasonable.

8 comments on “A Simple Proposal: Add a Petting Zoo of Real-Life Versions of NFL Mascots To Cowboys Stadium

  1. Talk about a way to take the Washington Redskins controversy to a whole new level.

  2. I do not relish the idea of attempting to pet a steelworker from Pittsburgh. Or Bill from Buffalo, which I’m fairly certain would mean a violation of a restraining order.

    And petting a charger just has OSHA violation written all over it.

  3. Just throw them some peanuts. You know a steelworker would like peanuts. Also, I find it horrifying (and, I guess for the same reason, funny) to imagine it’s Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. That would creep everyone out.

  4. The petting zoo and a bunch of quarters are in my top 3 state fair experiences, always. If you’re lucky, there’s a goat giving birth. If not, you get nipped by an exotic and get to know the folks in the first aid trailer.