A Special D Magazine Guesstigation: How Did Cowboys Defensive Lineman Nick Hayden Earn the Nickname ‘Golden Cock’?

An alert FrontBurnervian points us to the news that defensive-line coach Rod Marinelli has bestowed nicknames on his current group of starters, collectively called the Fearsome Four. They are as follows: Jason Hatcher is “Big Daddy,” because he reminds Marinelli of Eugene “Big Daddy” Lipscomb; DeMarcus Ware is “Long Arms,” for obvious reasons; George Selvie is “Bricklayer,” presumably because “Stevedore” sounded stupid; and Nick Hayden is “Golden Cock.” No reason is given for the name, although, when asked if he liked his nickname, Hayden told the Morning News, “Oh, yeah. The Golden Cock, that’s a sweet name, the Golden Cock.” We all can agree that “Golden Cock” is, indeed, a sweet name. But the question remains: how did Hayden earn it? I see only three possible explanations:

1. Hayden attended the University of Wisconsin-Madison, a noted hotbed of homosexuality. Though not gay himself, Hayden did experiment, as college kids are wont to do, and his roommate was King Midas.

2. In his spare time, Hayden pursues the craft of alchemy. It was a lab accident.

3. Hayden is a world traveler. On a recent trip to Farnley Tyas, he fell in love with the slow-braised Yorkshire beef at this restaurant.

7 comments on “A Special D Magazine Guesstigation: How Did Cowboys Defensive Lineman Nick Hayden Earn the Nickname ‘Golden Cock’?

  1. I know it’s the lunch hour and all, but I still can’t believe this post has been up for 30 minutes (by my golden clock) without having one comment.

  2. unfortunately the nickname was leaked too early and assigned to the wrong Cowboy as Big Tex will demonstrate tomorrow.

  3. hahaha What if The Golden Cock gets mad he’s been outed and comes after you?!?! You’ll be the Hole of Gold?