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Making Dallas Even Better

Burn Down Big Tex Every Year

Last year, before we found out that how the State Fair was going to replace Big Tex, I came up with a few options. I was dead serious about all of them except the giant anthropomorphic corn dog — because, come on, that’s just stupid. But one of them I was more dead serious (deader serious? dead seriouser?) about: burning down Big Tex every year. There are a few solid reasons for this:

1. I, for one, will sleep easier for the other 11 months of the year knowing there is absolutely zero chance that lightning will strike Big Tex or there will be some weird chemical mishap or whatever that will turn Big Tex sentient and into an almost unstoppable killing machine. I begrudgingly tolerate his presence at the Fair because I assume they have taken the proper precautions should such a scenario unfold. I don’t know, some sort of tractor beam or something. Look, don’t get bogged down in the science or we’re going to be here all night.

2. Pretty much no one cared about Big Tex except for kids and liars until he (or it, I guess) caught on fire last year. Come on. COME ON. It was a backdrop for photos and a meeting place. That’s it. Besides being awesome, burning Big Tex will give him some meaning again.

3. It would drum up business for the last day of the Fair.

4. It would bring me a step closer to realizing my dream of firing a flaming arrow into the chest of Big Tex while hanging out the passenger window of a 1977 Camaro driven by a cackling Mayor Mike Rawlings.

  • GlennTheHunter

    Good idea, Zac. It could become a community-wide event, like the burning of Zozobra every year in Santa Fe.

  • LDR4

    How long until people grow tired of this novelty? A year? Two?

  • Greg Brown

    Love the idea of the Burning Tex celebration on the last day of the fair. People would pay good money to see that, then use the proceeds for next year’s event. A different Texas artist could design it every year, too. Use the old fry grease to ignite it. We can always dream. . . .

  • Zac Crain

    ALSO, if someone could photoshop an image that represents No. 4, I would be eternally grateful. Thanks.

  • John Weidenfeller

    Photoshop???? get an 8mm camera and film it!!!!!!

  • Joanna_Smith4

    my neighbor’s ex-wife makes $81/hour on the computer. She has been out of a job for 10 months but last month her check was $13710 just working on the computer for a few hours. you could look here ..

    http://tinyurl.com/gbhyres

  • chowl

    ZOZOBRA

  • Aristotle Onasis

    BurningTex Festival.

  • Joe Bloh

    Of all the reasons that Dallas is Better than Houston,
    BIG TEX is the #1 reason.

    Burning him will only make Houstoners come to Dallas more,
    just to see him burn, out of Hate.

    We don’t need them in Dallas for reasons like that;
    Did you see how many fights and shootings happened
    in and around Dallas, the night after the Texans LOST to Dallas?

    All the hoodlums that filled our Stadium, later took to the streets to
    see how much trouble they could stir, and then flee back to Houston.

    We don’t need to be burning BIG TEX.