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About That Maritime Museum on the Trinity

As Jason mentioned in Leading Off this morning, plans have been hatched to build an $80 million maritime museum on the banks of the Trinity River. The big attraction would be the USS Dallas, the soon-to-be-decommissioned submarine used to film Hunt for Red October. Three things about this plan and its announcement have me scratching my head.

1. Can we tie in the museum with the canal that Dwaine Caraway wants to build on Main Street? Because if I could ride a nuclear attack sub from, say, City Tavern to Wild Salsa, that would be awesome. I’m in on that plan 110 percent.

2. The Morning News, you might be aware, was started by a fellow named George Bannerman Dealey. George had a nephew named Samuel David Dealey, who sits at fifth on the list of World War II submarine commanders, in terms of tonnage sunk. How do you write a story in the Morning News about a Dallas maritime museum featuring a submarine without mentioning Sam Dealey, aka “The Destroyer Killer“? (Hat tip to Richard Ross, the commenter who pointed this out on the News story.)

3. Finally, will city leaders please stop talking to us like children? Here’s what Phillip Jones, president and CEO of the Dallas CVB said about the museum: “Dallas is a city of big ideas, and this is just one more example.” Stop it! When someone proposes building a museum around a submarine in Dallas, don’t feed us that B.S. line about thinking big. Just say it. “This idea is insane. It’s nuts. But you know what? Dallas is crazy town. We’re gonna get Sean Connery up in here to cut the ribbon, and then he’s gonna pull a Crazy Ivan in the middle of Main Street. Just watch us.”

18 comments on “About That Maritime Museum on the Trinity

  1. Hat tip to Tim for “Because if I could ride a nuclear attack sub from, say, City Tavern to Wild Salsa, that would be awesome. I’m in on that plan 110 percent.” Literally LOL.

  2. One of the main attractions at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago is a captured Nazi submarine. Chicago is on Lake Michigan but I doubt there are any subs in the lake and the nazi sub was captured near Africa. Another museum for Dallas is a good thing.

  3. Connery always turns to starboard in the bottom half of the hour. Ladies, you’ve been warned.

  4. Agree with the Razorback. A ride on a nuclear sub down Main Street would be pretty kick ass.

    May I offer two more suggestions?

    Since Tim is changing directions I would dig it if he could write the Back Page or Last Page in the magazine more often. That is the first thing I look at when I get the magazine. Disappointed when he has not written it.

    More David Feherty articles. Those were some of the best. Perhaps he is to expensive these days. Some of the best D articles for sure.

  5. Other boats to be presented at the USS Dallas nuclear Sub Maritime museum:
    The Bonnie Barge
    One of those radio-controlled boats they used to have at six flags
    Dallas Olympic Gold Medalist Shaun Jordan’s first paddle board
    A bass boat
    This boat that appeared during the 1970 drought: http://tinyurl.com/aec9cw6
    An old paddle boat that used to be on Bachman Lake
    A 1985 Buick Cutlass abandoned on NW Highway during a flood in 2006

  6. Potential new bar names near the museum:

    Crazy Ivan’s Vodkapourium
    Clancy’s Pub
    Seaman Jones’
    Akula Matata

  7. Tim, Tim…you’re being played, dude. The submarine is just a stalking pony for the really big idea, the pink flamingo you can see from Midlothian – and at the far more affordable price of $50 million.

    You float the submarine out there, let everybody beat up on it – “this is crazy, yadda, yadda” – then, switcheroo, okay, how about something more reasonable: PFYCSFM? Well, alrighty then, that’s certainly more like it. Bam. Sold.

  8. Other area maritime vessels to be exhibited in the USS Dallas nuclear submarine Museum:
    • A plank from the Bonnie barge
    • One of those radio controlled boats they used to have at Six Flags
    • An old paddleboat from Bachman Lake
    • Floaties from Dallas’s Olympic gold medal swimming champion Shaun Jordan
    • My neighbors bass boat that hasn’t been used in 10 years
    • A 1985 Buick abandoned on Northwest Highway during the March 2006 floods
    • This boat that appeared on White rock Lake during the 1970 drought: http://tinyurl.com/aec9cw6

  9. Holy hell, I love this comment. And it reminds me the gf has never seen this movie. Viewing number 49 on the horizon.

  10. I like it! I put on my big pants, big boots, and big hat every morning and saunter down to the big diner to discuss big ideas like this. And Big Sue, the waitress with the big hair and big bosom, always chastises us for not thinking big enough. Finally, an idea worthy of Big D. It’s BIG! Makes me excited, in a big way.

  11. Why don’t they start by turning the Trinity riverbank into a usable and accessible park, like they’ve been talking about doing for 20 years? Just some hike and bike trails, parking areas, picnic tables, restrooms, reasonable lighting and a little shelter here and there. $5-7 million at most. Then they can worry about roaring rapids, water slides, “lakes” and museums.

  12. USS Dallas was not used to film The Hunt For Red October. USS Houston SSN 713 was the actual boat used in the movie.

    Timmy Diaper is wrong once again.