Leading Off (2/28/13)

J.C. Penney Reports $1 Billion Loss In 2012. “I told you transformations are unpredictable and can be bumpy, and this one has been,” CEO Ron Johnson said in a conference call, following the company’s fourth straight loss. He was then asked if he properly understood the meaning of “unpredictable” and “bumpy,” but he quickly changed the subject.

Gay Couple Victimized After Speaking Out About Discrimination. Remember the story of Ben Allen and his partner Justin Hudgins? They were turned away from a Tarrant County wedding hall because they were gay. Well, on Tuesday night, someone spray-painted “BURN FAG” on their fence. I would say it’s time Ben and Justin leave Bud Kennedy’s beloved Tarrant County behind, but that would be letting the jerks win.

Nearly 600 DVDs Seized In “Elaborate” Counterfeit Operation In Arlington. They were found when police were serving Melbert Randles a warrant on a wholly unrelated charge. Now, I said “elaborate” in the headline, because the story said that’s what police were calling it. But, as near as I can tell, he was burning bootleg movies at home and then planning to sell them out of his trunk at flea markets, so if they consider that “elaborate,” I think the heist sequences in Ocean’s Eleven or its sequels would just about fry their brains. I have at least three more elaborate schemes than that going at any given time. I mean, that’s about as elaborate as making a sandwich. Like a normal one, not even a monte cristo or anything.

David Williams Is My New Hero. He’s 11, so that’s weird, but not unprecedented. But anyone who can son Dwaine Caraway in his own place of business earns that honor. David Williams, the cut of your jib has been stamped APPROVED.

On Ant Guns. I didn’t watch this video but I assume from the title — “These Ant-Gun People Are Hypocrites” — that Jimmy Z is trying to join the party. Or he typed too fast and didn’t check his work, which would be really surprising from someone named Jimmy Z. I expect guys like that to be totally profesh.