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Rick Perry Reacts To Paul Ryan’s Selection As Romney’s VP Candidate

(Toby Keith's "I Love This Bar" playing at ear-splitting volume)
(Toby Keith's "I Love This Bar" plays at ear-splitting volume)
(a man sings, loudly) "We got cowboys, we got truckers! Broken-hearted fools and suckers!"
(a man sings, loudly) "We got cowboys, we got truckers! Broken-hearted fools and suckers!"
(a phone rings) "Go for Ricky. Chuck! You coming by Dewhurst's later? Yeah? Ol' Dave's lower than a caterpillar after a set of burpees. What? It's an expression. Anyway, gotta split. Don't forget the chard. OK, I'm -- Chuck? Jesus Chrysler 300, are you crying?"
(a phone rings) "Go for Ricky. Chuck! You coming by Dewhurst's later? Yeah? Ol' Dave's lower than a caterpillar after a set of burpees. What? It's an expression. Anyway, don't forget the Chard. OK, I'm gonna -- Chuck? Jesus Chrysler 300, are you crying?"
"Slow down, slow down. I can't understand a GD word you're saying. OK, come on now. Deep breath. There you go. Say it again."
"Norris, come on. Slow down, slow down. Chuck. Chuck! I can't understand a GD word you're saying. OK, come on now. Deep breath. There you go. Say it again."
"ARE YOU GD KIDDING ME? PAUL MOTHER-TRUCKING RYAN?"
"ARE YOU GD KIDDING ME? PAUL MOTHER-TRUCKING RYAN?"
"What? Well, hell, Chuck, OF COURSE, I said I didn't want the job. But I wanted Big Love to at least ask me. You take too many roundhouses to the face, Walker? You know what we talked about. I wanted to turn him down. Remember? I say, 'Fat chance, Brigham Young, then I walk out of there shooting him the double guns over my head. COME ON. You know this!"
"What? Well, hell, Chuck, OF COURSE, I said I didn't want the job. But I wanted Big Love to at least ASK me. You take too many roundhouses to the face, Walker? You know what we talked about. I wanted to turn him down. Remember? I say, 'FAT CHANCE, Brigham Young,' then I bounce out of there shooting him the double guns over my head. COME ON. You know this!"
"Anyway, what's that butter churner got that I don't?"
"Anyway, what's that butter churner got that I don't?"
"Did you seriously just say 'better hair'?" (counts to five slowly) "You drank all the Chard already, didn't you, Chuck? Thought so." (sighs) "It's OK, kemosabe. You go on over to Dave's. I'll pick some more up on the way and we'll sort this all out. Come on. Chin up, champ."
"Did you seriously just say 'better hair'?" (counts to five slowly) "You drank all the Chard already, didn't you, Chuck? Thought so." (sighs) "No, no. It's OK, kemosabe. You go on over to Dave's. I'll pick some more up on the way and we'll sort this all out. Come on. Chin up, champ." (hangs up)
"DAMMIT" (twenty seconds of what sounds like a steering wheel being repeatedly punched; stereo comes back on) "OK, Ricky. OK. 'And we got hustlers, we got fighters! Early birds and all-nighters ... "
"DAMMIT!" (twenty seconds of what sounds like a steering wheel being repeatedly punched) "OK, Ricky. OK." (long breath out; stereo comes back on) "And we got hustlers, we got fighters! Early birds and all-nighters ... "
  • http://www.parkcitiespeople.com Dan Koller

    “But I wanted Big Love to at least ASK me. You take too many roundhouses to the face, Walker?”

    Back-to-back greatness.

  • Amy S

    Brilliant. A laugh that will last all week. Thank you.

  • http://www.twitter.com/dmburrows DMBurrows

    Comedy Central needs you.

  • http://mainmati.wordpress.com JJTarrant

    Brilliant! I can just see this movie running through head.

  • Steve

    In my fantasy, mini-mic guy is bound and gagged in the tool box of that truck.

  • http://frontburner.dmagazine.com Zac Crain

    @Steve: I only wish I could have worked him into this.

  • http://frontburner.dmagazine.com Tim Rogers

    I am deeply honored to work with you, Zac.