Arlington Strip Club Owner Indicted For Hiring a Killer to Watch a Movie With Arlington Mayor

News came today that Ryan Walker Grant, the owner of the Flashdancer strip club in Arlington, was indicted in a murder-for-hire plot. He allegedly paid a confidential DEA informant to arrange the killing of Arlington Mayor Robert Cluck. He specifically requested that the assassin be someone from Mexico.

What most caught my attention in the original affidavit against Grant was the way in which he described the services he needed.

Grant stated, “I really need somebody to take a vacation up here to do a job from down south man.” Grant gave an example that if a movie was playing in Miami then a person from Cuba would fly to Miami to watch the movie, and after watching the movie, that person would go back to Cuba and never come back to Miami. Through conducting this investigation and confidential source information, law enforcement officers have learned that Grant often speaks in code and uses the term “watch a movie” to mean “have someone murdered.”

Is there some hidden bit of philosophy in his choice of euphemism? Does Grant believe that each of us dies a little inside when we spend hours sitting in the dark, surrounded by strangers, and become passive observers of life rather than active players?

Of course not. But, forgive me for being inexperienced in the ways of speaking in code lest the Feds be listening in, shouldn’t your description be at least somewhat plausible, to avoid suspicion? Why would anyone travel from Cuba to Miami to see a movie? Surely someone there has access to BitTorrent?

6 comments on “Arlington Strip Club Owner Indicted For Hiring a Killer to Watch a Movie With Arlington Mayor

  1. The Dark Knight Rises opens this weekend. I’m sure they have it in Digital 3D in Miami and probably not in Cuba. They probably still only have 35mm at best in Cuba.

    Also why would you take a vacation to do a job? Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of going on vacation?

  2. Without air quotes and winks you’re not getting the right feel for what went down, man.

  3. There was a perfectly innocent comment made by D. Shapiro yesterday on this post that we’ve decided to remove in light of what occurred in Colorado during the night.

  4. You know what I’ve noticed? Nobody panics when things go “according to plan.” Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it’s all “part of the plan”. But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!