I knew this day would come. For years, I have been seeding the internet with images of myself that make me look like a drunk and a buffoon. You know, someone of no consequence. But it was all a smoke screen. See, I’m actually one of Dallas’ power brokers. I have a standing Friday afternoon tee time at the Dallas Country Club, where members scramble to host me for a round. Between swigs of Johnnie Walker Blue, they tell me how, exactly, they control the city, and I come up with the way to spin their message in the magazine. Till now, the arrangement has worked.
But now Jim Schutze has gone and blown the lid off the whole racket. In his column in the Observer this week, he reveals how the next mayor was chosen by the Dallas Citizens Council and then how that selection was announced in the pages of D Magazine. He’s talking about our January cover story, “20 for 2011,” in which I wrote that Mayor Tom Leppert would not run for reelection and that Councilman Ron Natinsky will win the job. Here’s how Schutze explains it:
How do relatively unknown colorless persons who have never taken notable positions on much of anything suddenly become the excitement, and how does D know about it in advance? But you really don’t need to ask that question, do you?
It’s what makes Dallas Dallas. It is the Dallas way — the way things always have been. Every few years when the current excitement gets worn out from being so exciting, a small coterie of business leaders scans the local horizon to choose someone who can be trusted to fill their new bill. And then D announces the name.
Actually, it’s a lot more democratic than Schutze makes it sound.
I met the seven bankers who control Dallas at the Crescent Club for lunch one day late last year. There was a lot of arguing. Good cases were made for several candidates. Frankly, I disagreed with the choice of Natinsky. But, as I say, it was a democratic process, and I had to go along with the majority. The colorless Natinsky was chosen. And then I had to come up with that wild-ass theory we published in the magazine to explain why the choice made logical sense.
Anyway, there you have it. Cat’s out of the bag. I think I’m playing with Richard Fisher tomorrow. Ted Strauss had a previous commitment.
16 comments
Maybe I’m misreading. I didn’t think he was saying you were *part* of the meeting. You drive a Prius, for heaven’s sake. I thought he was just saying you’re their bitch.
If you are one of Dallas’ power brokers, can I go to Shawn Marion’s next pool party? I want to wear a t-shirt that features a photo of you wearing a t-shirt that features a photo of Finfrock.
Thanks, Tim, for being so amenable to the controlling interests’ wishes. We appreciate your candidness here, but wish you had not spilled the beans. Now we’ll have to hire your murder since our hands cannot be stained with your plebeian effluence. We hereby appoint Zac Crain your successor. We have spoken.
Many of us just assumed Carol Reed whispered “Natinsky” in your or Wick’s ear. She will run his campaign, right?
And we assumed she whispered “John Corona” to you when Mayor Tom thought he was running for the Senate, and Rep. Corona would have for Dallas’ top job. And surely The Reeds would have run his campaign, too.
What you don’t say, sir, is that JimS’s article was written partly tongue-in-cheek. Why should we bank on Natinsky running for mayor? “North Dallas” is not all that mad about the tax increase.
Tim is Keyser Söze.
Tim,
your above is very funny. You are a good news humorist.
Having said that, Jim’s point is fair and reasonable.
Power brokers do use the media to advance agendas. You would not argue with that, at least I don’t think you would.
The most common use of the media for personal gain? There are 3:
Agents with movie stars to “sell”.
Agents with athletes to “sell”.
And the latest incredible trend? All coaches (college/pro)have agents now. These agents basically use the “agreeable” sports media on behalf of their clients.
It is a smart and inexpensive ploy.
Give me 3 months and I will have you named as senior editor of the NY Times, or maybe the new football coach at Stanford.
a reverse example of someone who doesn’t use the media to his advantage?
Mike Leach.
Actually Carol whispered “One more round.”
@Eric Celeste: You’re just upset because I linked to that picture of Fatty Head Eric.
Recently overheard at the Crescent Club:
Tim – “Ron Natinsky can’t be elected. He has no defining physical traits or idiosyncracies that make him a great target for our future blog posts and articles.”
Banker 1 – “Exactly. Dallas needs a Mayor Milquetoast more than a Mayor McCheese.”
Banker 2 – “I’m sure you will find something about him that you can make fun of him for. Hell, I make fun of his short game every time we play golf.”
Tim – “I guess I can make do with calling him Mayor Vanilla Blanderson for a while.”
Banker 1 – “Alright, the media is on board.” (He takes a lingering swallow of that smooth gift to all men of great fortune and greater opportunities, Johnny Walker Blue.) “Now we just need those Natural Gas guys to lay low for a while and start writing bigger checks.”
Tim – “Does that old guy in the corner have a reporter’s notebook sticking out of his jacket pocket? Oh crud…”
This is the first I’ve heard that I’ve become “the excitement.”
Jim Schutze asks how. I credit my grandmother and God.
@PR
Gross. She’s a man, baby.
Trained from infancy at a secret camp near Kaufman, young Rogers was taught all the characteristic behaviors of common men — changing diapers, changing tires, changing loads in the washing machine — all the things that would make him indistinguishable from the mass of wretches who, without shame or guile, call themselves “regular guys.” But the day would come when the Council would send a messenger to Rogers, the man who would show him the Ace of Diamonds and give him the instruction: “DO WHAT WICK SAYS.” From that moment forward, God spare the fool who stepped in Tim Rogers’ way.
@JimS: I am embarrassed, as a man of letters, to admit to you that I cannot find the words to describe how wonderful it feels to channel the power of Wick through my spindly limbs. And, yes, God spare you, old man.
It’s “Johnnie” Walker, not Johnny
@BillR: I hope you’ll forgive me.