Though Ryan Jones regrettably did not shave his beard today, thereby robbing us of a true moustache experience, this photo still gives us a sufficient look at how the hair growth on his labium superius oris is progressing. And it is awesome.
(And why don’t we have a statue to J. R. Ewing in this town? Like at the international terminal at DFW. Seriously.)
Uncle Nancy is on vacation someplace in Fiji. She sent an update on her travels (and travails) to the staff. Along for the ride on Nancy’s vacation is none other than that turncoat Evan Grant, baseball scribe for the Morning News. I thought I’d share Nancy’s letter because it made me laugh (I had to dash out some of the swear words):
Well, I lasted almost two days without typing. Greetings from Fiji, where bula means “hi” and vanaka means “thanks!” Also golaka means “wine” and Ambien translates directly as “Ambien,” the miracle cure jet lag and Evan’s snoring. Evan and I traveled packed in a flying tin can for 22 hours, and we are still talking. BUT there have been lots of claw displays. Don’t tell him I said this, but he doesn’t want to sit on a lounge chair on the beach because “the beach is too sandy.” True.
Here is what I have learned about Fiji so far:
Young Australians have lots of little crying babies. Lots. Like, four each. They all like to eat breakfast at the same time that we do.
Australian babies are more obnoxious than American babies. The pitch of their cry is ear-shattering. I now understand why dingoes like to eat them.
Australian men are hot.
Well hello there, Dallas. The weekend is nigh upon us, and I’m eager to impart my vast knowledge of things to do in this city. Prepare thyself.
JUMP! [in slow motion, then do an eagle roll, landing in perfect firing position]
1. The National Guard will be demolishing several dilapidated and abandoned structures in Dallas. When I first heard of this three days ago, I kind of thought maybe it was gonna be a throw a grenade in and run situation, but they’re just using your garden-variety bulldozers.
2. New York Yankees GM Brian Cashman is totally playing it cool about Cliff Lee. Even though the team is the first one to meet with Lee, he’s the 30K millionaire at Primos trying to hook up with the hot girl. “Oh, we’re not desperate for him. We don’t care if he comes home with us. Whatevs. Did I mention I have a BMW?”
3. Â McKinney State Rep. Ken Paxton has thrown his hat in the ring for Texas House Speaker.
4. Another “Did Texas kill an innocent man?” story. Only it’s not Cameron Todd Willingham this time.