We get a lot of press releases. Many of them are misdirected, poorly written, and a waste of time. This one caught my eye. It was headlined “For Immediate Release: Five Murdered in Pleasant Grove Restaurant.” Cheers to its author, Keith McKeague of Out of The Box Marketing and Design.
TO THE MEDIA:
Early yesterday afternoon, a group of armed thugs entered a restaurant on South Buckner….well, actually, it wasn’t a restaurant, it was a school, anyway, they entered a classroom and…well, actually, they weren’t armed…not with guns anyway…with books. Anyway they broke into the class and murdered…well, actually, they didn’t really break in, they walked in during 5th period, and they didn’t actually murder any “one,” they murdered some “thing”…their science test.
Maybe i should start over…..
For Immediate Release: Five High School Students Ace Their Science Exam …..
Early yesterday afternoon, five Samuell High School Students scored A’s on their science test armed only with the benefit of two weeks of special tutoring by community mentors.
Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, does it?
Look folks… truth is, you dove into this email under the misconception that yet another violent crime had taken place in Pleasant Grove. It seems to be the only way we ever get attention from the media. On the contrary, the press release attached to this email is anything but news of death and destruction… It’s about a community on a mission…. a mission to change from the kind of place that only gets visited by the media when something awful happens. If you are truly interested in giving your audience news that interests them, news that is hopeful and inspiring, then I invite you to read the attached press release and come on down to the Grove.
You see, to those of your audience who live, work, play and pray in the Grove….FIVE STUDENTS GETTING A’S ON A TEST THAT WE HELPED THEM STUDY FOR, WELL, THAT IS THE BEST POSSIBLE NEWS YOU COULD EVER GIVE US (short of a $500 million dollar bond approval).
So dear friends from the media, we just wanted you to know, that nobody died, no one was robbed, and drugs weren’t found at the pre-school. It was just another extra-ordinary day in the Grove, Pleasant Grove that is…..Oh, and one more thing….Change is coming to Pleasant Grove….BIG CHANGE and any time you are up for the challenge we have plenty of shovels to go around!
Two Stories Are Covered In the Attached Press Release:
Pleasant Grove Residents and Businesses To Form A Human Chain Along A Four-Mile Stretch Of South Buckner Boulevard.
The Community of Pleasant Grove To Launch A Multi-million Dollar Re-Branding Campaign To Kick Start A Move Toward Revitalizing Southeast Dalla
Thank you in advance for your consideration, sorry for the deception (sorta)!