Re: The Legend of Sean Avery, or Why Tom Hicks and Gary Bettman Are Blind Goobers Who Don’t Get It
Granted, I’ve had a few adult beverages. Granted, I may not represent the view of the average fan. But I would like to take this opportunity to explain why the suspension of Sean Avery was not only absurd, but why it signals the end of my tenure as a Dallas Stars fan. (And, yes, I’m going to pretend Tim hasn’t posted about this, since he pretended I hadn’t already posted about this.)
Here’s the deal, Tom Hicks and Gary Bettman. Your league is awful. Most games, on most nights, are torture to watch. It is an incredibly boring sport that translates poorly to television. This comes from a lifelong sports fan. You don’t have to worry about Tim Rogers not watching your product. Tim is the worst sort of bandwagoner, someone who claims he’s a Notre Dame fan until the team does poorly, or someone who actually said during the first quarter of Game 3 of the Mavs-Heat finals, “I want the Mavs to lose this one, so it actually feels like a series.” Tim would only watch your sport if he thought it was cool or he could score points with Wick by posting about it.
That’s not me. I’m a sports fan. I read box scores. I’ve not gone to weddings because I feel like people were stupid enough to schedule them during big games. I know Big Daddy Drew, Chad Ford, and Don Cherry. I’m the guy you can’t ever afford to lose, okay?
But you’ve lost me. You know how? Because you’ve slowly sucked the fun out of your league. I can take that with football or basketball, because the sports are inherently interesting. Hockey is not. Hockey is fun in playoff situations, it’s fun when there’s a fight, it’s fun when there is something going on besides the boring back-and-forth of an early-December snorefest.
Which is one reason you signed Sean Avery. Because he’s an agitator. Because he’s self-absorbed and insane. Because he might talk about how the person he’s squaring off against that night is plowing celebrity ground he’s already tilled. And you know what? That. Is. AWESOME.
Make no mistake. It is fantastic that Avery took a shot at the guy who is dating the bim he used to date. I mean, it made me actually want to tune in to the game tonight. Now? I’m watching Grosse Pointe Blank for the 43rd time.
What’s that? You don’t care if I tune in? You don’t need my kinda fan? Fine. Then you don’t care if you ever make money off your investment again. Because the reason hockey is now the 9th-most popular American sport (after football, basketball, baseball, golf, bowling, archery, running around, and soccer) is that attitude: we need to protect the integrity of the game, blah blah blah. You can think that way until your league goes bankrupt in five years.
IJS, Mr. Hicks. When you look back and ask yourself, “Why did Dallas abandon my team?” look at your actions today. If you overreact to something as innocuous (and genuinely as funny) as this, then why should we back your product? Because you reaquired Darryl Sydor? Please. So out.
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Eric … you might want to go back and check your facts. It wasn’t the Stars who suspended Avery. It was the league. And if Dallas fans abandons the Stars, it’ll be because they are in dead last place, and can only produce one line that can play like a team.
Well said, Eric, but Grosse Pointe Blank for the 43rd time? You can do much better.
@Kirk: Eric never said the Starts suspended Sean Avery but they did openly endorse the suspension – a little too eagerly in my opinion – which is what I think Eric was condemning. And Marty Turco obviously doesn’t care for the guy. So there’s that.
However, I would like to correct Eric in that running around has surpassed archery in popularity for males, ages 40-41.
Eric, when are you not drinking an adult beverage?
Eric, Wick and I are right now sitting on his couch, reading this post on his laptop, laughing at your funny funniness. And we’re watching girls field hockey on ESPN 4 (Wellesley vs. Concordia). So don’t ever accuse me of being a casual sports fan.
The league is obviously out to collar him. They’re taking every chance they get.
Eric, you are so right, about Avery, and Hicks/Bettman and most of all about Rogers. Amen.
The ironies on this one seem limitless. First: Avery’s was arguably the best throwaway trash-talk one-liner by a testosterone ladden athlete pro since A-Rod’s claim that Madonna was his spiritual mentor a la Kabbalah. Second: Normally the chauvanism is decidedly the woman’s to claim but I find it hard to believe a female athelete would be suspended for making a crack about her ex’s rotating male crop.
Such a drama queen. Might want to reconsider wisdom of blogging under the influence.
Hey! Has anyone noticed what happens when your mouse is placed over the Hick’s photo? Try it. See it turn into a pointy gloved hand. Hold it…wait…now…THERE! See what I see?
What if Hicks knows how to work a mouse? He’ll then know what you named his head shot. You guys might be in some kind of big trouble.
OK. First of all hockey is much better on TV when it is on 1080i or 1080P HD. It is exciting if you understand the nuances of the game and the difficulty of actually doing the things they do on skates. As to it being boring, are you friggin’ kidding me? Baseball when I hear “he steps up, the pitcher looks the man on first off, here’s the pitch, ball one, high and outside”. ZZZZZ. Golf, don’t even get me started on that.
As to Avery’s suspension it is totally ridiculous. They said conduct “detrimental to the League or game of hockey.” Hicks saying we hold our team to a higher code of conduct. Yeah like Zubov and his wife’s knife incident or Eddie Balfour’s angry alcoholic behavior. Higher standard indeed.
I am still a Stars fan regardless and I don’t care if we are in last or first. As my brother knows when you are a fan you are that way through the good and the bad. Brett Hull had a mouth and so does Jeremy Roenick but when you are a superstar you get away with more. Heck, the coaches get to criticize officials and all they get is a fine so I guess that is considered good conduct. That said, the suspension should only last a couple of games if they must do it. If anything it gives Hicks an excuse to trade him but he has a limited no trade clause so that may not be possible.
my brother doesn’t imbibe. It’s why he is smarter than I am.
Maybe they’re just a little sensitive about the whole “sloppy seconds” thing. I mean, aren’t all teams in the NHL comprised of some other team’s sloppy seconds – including Avery?
Eric, maybe you should actually play hockey before making such uninformed comments about the league and the game. There are plenty of adult leagues for novices.
Regarding his comments, the NHL’s actions were dead on. I’m willing to bet anyone on the D staff would be suspended if they gathered the press and made that kind of public comment.
love this avery-esque post, and avery getting suspended is lame; but would disagree that hockey is somehow inherently less interesting than other sports. if you grew up watching hockey … if you have a personal connection to skating and ice … if you like wrestling … there’s lots of avenues into hockey that make it just as watchable as dumb football or sleepy baseball
Why are you calling the ex-girlfriend a bim? Do you know her? Does she sleep with many or was she just unlucky in love so far and is dating? Sloppy seconds is crude and debasing. Bim isn’t much better.
If they really wanted to punish Avery, they would have made him play last night. Phaneuf hits like a freight train. Avery fits in great here because he is a total d-bag. Its just sad because the rest of the Stars are not.
I like the Stars because most of them are not D-bags. Exactly where does he fit in great “here”? The city of Dallas?
I think suspending him was total genius by the league. There is press everywhere, entertainment sections, sports sections, blogs, etc. Now when he comes back, there’ll be press again and when the Flames matchup the remaining games with the Stars. Are you kidding? This was super distilled, extra virginsloppy seconds marketing genius.
Umm… so which one is it, Mr. I’ve-had-too-much-to-drink-and-that’s-why-I’m-so-full-of-myself?
“I may not represent the view of the average fan.”
or
“What’s that? You don’t care if I tune in? You don’t need my kinda fan? Fine. Then you don’t care if you ever make money off your investment again.”
Don Cherry the trumpeter who played with Ornette Coleman? Awesome!
guys, cut avery a break. he’s just mad he left his purse in Dallas before making the trip to Canada.
I understand Mr. Hicks position in wanting to suspend Mr. Avery. Mr Avery is a representative of this city whether he likes it or not. As a born and bred bubble kid, I feel what Mr. Avery said was classless, demeaning, and does not represent the general civility of Dallas as a whole. I also feel that other such delicious representatives like J.R.& Sue Ellen, Walker Texas Ranger, Lee Harvey Oswald, Snuffers Cheese Fries, and a building with only one ball are poor representatives as well. The best representatives for Dallas are Ross Perot, of course, Laura Bush’s future wrapping room, the 19th hole at the DCC, and that lofty cleaning smell that emanates out of the Highland Park Methodist Church.
Celeste–I’m on your team. I started watching hockey in the early 70s (Broad Street Bullies fan) and continued watching and attending games until 4 years ago. Quit, cold turkey. That said, I am an old coot. My nieces are crazy about it–they are 10 and 16. So, do we really matter anymore?