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Your 2007-08 Dallas Mavericks, Analyzed

Much to my dismay, baseball season has ended (Go Sox!). So with the Mavericks’ season beginning tomorrow night (and resident Mavs expert Zac content with lazily redirecting you to other sites for a preview), I think it’s time for my first annual Mavs’ supergood partytime season preview. I see big things—big things—for this year’s team. Let’s jump for my expert analysis of the roster.

 

• Maurice Ager – Um, hmm. Maybe not the best person to start with, since I’ve never heard of him. Let’s move on.
• Jose Barea – JJ played ball at Northeastern while I attended school at Boston University. Automatic kinship there. His initials are also JJ, which makes me like him even more. Already my vote for MVP.
• Brandon Bass – Another tough one. Drawing a blank.
• Erick Dampier – I remember a few years back when Erick joined the team, the first thing I said about him was, “Look at that, he spells his name with both a C and a K.” Very diplomatic. Also, he’s very tall. So he’s got that going for him.
• DeSagana Diop – Says here he has +10.50 EFF. I’m assuming that’s very good. Look for more EFF from Diop this season.
• Nick Fazekas – Seriously, where are these guys coming from? I got nothing. Although I think, judging from the pictures, that he may be the tallest 12-year-old I’ve ever seen. He’s 12, yes?
• Devean George – I have a good feeling that Devean will shoot the basketball into the hoop successfully many times this year.
• Devin Harris – There’s no I in team, but there is in Devin’s name. Devin’s got spunk. Moxie, even. Charisma. A real go-getter. [Getting out my thesaurus for more synonyms...]
• Trenton Hassell – Wikipedia says that Trenton “is an American professional basketball player currently with the Dallas Mavericks of the NBA.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.
• Josh Howard – Aside from the cringe-worthy Apple Orthodontics commercials (for the smile of your life), I’m a fan of JoHo.
• Didier Ilunga-Mbenga – DJ has the coolest name on the team, and maybe in the league. But where did the J in DJ come from?
• Eddie Jones – You might think I’d know something about Eddie, considering he’s been in the league for 13 years. You’d think that, yes, but you’d be wrong. Points for the last name, though.
• Dirk Nowitzki – Everyone’s favorite, and easily the best hair on the team. Look forward to seeing him at Eatzi’s in the near future.
• Jerry Stackhouse – Once told me he liked my outfit. Also, has a killer singing voice. Add that all up and you get a great basketball player.
• Jason Terry – Aside from the cringe-worthy Wingstop billboards with Jet saying “JET on in to Wingstop,” I’m a fan. Just not of the headband.

There you have it, folks. Your Dallas Mavericks. Just remember you heard it here first. On second thought, Zac, maybe you should take a stab at this.