Mattie Roberts Gets a Rock

I spotted former Dallas lovely Mattie Roberts dining with her parents at Fearing’s last night. Actually, I spotted the glare from the boulder on her left finger before I recognized her face. “I’m engaged,” she said, as I lifted her hand bearing the ginormous ring for a closer look. “He’s fabulous and 65.” I was so thrilled, I could barely find the strength to ask the obvious “When’s the big day?” “Oh, we’re not going to get married,” she said without a hint of disappointment in her voice. “We’ve decided to be perpetually engaged!”

I like Mattie. When she was in Dallas, we worked together many times and always had a blast. But right now I’m not liking her so much. She’s pretty and she’s perpetually engaged. From where I sit — perpetually unengaged (disengaged, if you ask Timmy) — that’s a hard, pardon me, package to swallow. And to make her even more unlikable, she’s skinny. Her secret? “I’m on the Le Cirque diet. Two appetizers and Champagne.”

Yoga? Pilates? Watercolors? Forget those methods of self-imporvement. I want this. You go, Mattie. Go. Girl.