This Sunday, the 84th Academy Awards will take place at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, and to celebrate the movieland version of the Kentucky Derby, we’ll be making predictions, offering up armchair opinions, talking celebrities, sounding off on the red carpet antics, and taking swipes at the official coverage and commentary with a live blog. We may even throw out a few drinking game suggestions. Â So join us here.
Check Episode 1 of Dallas’ new reality show, Most Eligible Dallas, to see last year’s 10 Most Beautiful contestant, Kat Reilly. (She’s part of the blondetourage thatÂ Courtney, uh, loved having around at Teddy’s Room.) Check out all the episodesÂ to see this year’s 10 Most Beautiful contestant, Tara Harper. We’ve also got curly girl Morgana, sleek and sultry Susan, sweet and silly Purvi, and hotrod Hollie. Take a look-see and vote for your favorite. Don’t forget you can vote once a day every day.
Avenue Q is opening at the Winspear tonight. I would love to go, except for this extreme fear of puppets I have that developed after a rogue Muppet incident in my childhood. But you should go. They tell me good seats are still available. Click here.
It’s not as exciting as In-N-Out coming to Garland, but Sex and the City 2 premiered last night. As we anxiously await Laura Kostelny’s recap on FrontRow, you might want to consider going to the Grand Prairie AirHogs game tonight for the Pooches & Purses promotion. This pleases two groups: SATC lovers and dog lovers. First of all, how often can you bring your dog to a baseball game? That has fun written all over it. Carrie Bradshaw wannabes can participate in a trivia contest and win free tickets to the movie. Oh, and baseball lovers will be excited because James Paxton will be pitching. According to the AirHogs people, he’s kindofabigdeal (named the #1 college senior in the country by Baseball America, in fact). Also, it’s super easy to get there, and cheap (tickets start at $6). Also the Rangers are in KC tonight.
It’s over! We made it through the season of the worst Bachelor ever. We survived stand-up comedy, trips to the shed, hysterical blindness (or paralysis in Ali’s case), dinner with the Mob, and Jamaican beads. It wasn’t easy, but we did it. You know who didn’t make things any easier? Jake. He was the source of the majority of eye bleed. Sure, Vienna’s extensions confounded us even more than her kooky eye(s). And Tenley’s interpretive dance might possibly be the most dramatichumiliating thing to ever happen in the history of television. But it was malevolently milquetoast, oddly asexual Jake that had us screaming at the television more than anyone else. And now, finally, this nightmare of a fairy tale comes to an end with special guest appearances from Helena Bonham Carter, mandals (Jake’s creepy man sandals), an unhinged Papa Pavelka, Neil Lane, and Airwolf. ( My favorite part was when Jan-Michael Vincent bombed the entire island after dropping off Googly McGoogle while friend and mentor Ernest Borgnine cheered.) Jump for all that and more.
What on earth has happened to Chris Harrison? Remember when he was little more than a poorly dressed, nerdy referee on a dating show? Last night’s episode–”The Women Tell All”–revealed that he has transformed into a despicable little man. (Alas, his wardrobe remains the same.) He’s judgmental, condescending, surly, and combative. Just the way I like ‘em. Special message to Chris: When you tire of the wives–both your own and the mysterious producer’s–call me! As for the rest of you, jump to discuss the train wreck that took place last night.
Apologies for the tardiness of this post. It was a long, bad day.Â So let’s maybe do a light one today, shall we? We’ll just hit the highlights, andÂ we’ll save theÂ in-depth cattiness for the next few episodes, okay? Jump if you want to hear the true story of four boring people who get picked to go onÂ overnight datesÂ and have their lives taped to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real. Or in this case really lame.Â And terrible.
Chris Harrison apparently promised that last night’s episode was the most emotional Bachelor yet. He lies. Sure, Ali’s grief causes her to momentarily lose the use of her legs–someone nominate that woman for an Emmy!– but this show was as boring as any of the others before it. Even with special guest star appearances by the poor(er) man’s The Situation (with Pauly D hair and glasses!),Â Lazy Eye’s dad King Squirrel Chaser (sporting Mr. Magoo glasses!), and Camela Soprano (no glasses but poured into a very, very, very short dress!), this thing was a total yawn. Here’s why: Jake is as terrible as those Jamaican beads he rocks for a few minutes at the beginning of this episode. Nothing is going to change that. But for those so inclined, let’s put on the leotard, fire up the Canon in D, and choreograph the most lyrical recap ever after the jump.
I can’t put it off any longer. It’s that time. I wish I could tell you that this particular episode was a San Francisco treat. It wasn’t. Let’s be clear: Jake has killed this so-bad-it’s-almost-good-ish franchise. This show has become so boring that I think the producers should have thrown in some paranormal activity for the viewers. Something like a Judy Garland specter drowning out Tenley’s baby talk with song (“Clang, clang, clang went the trolley. Ding, ding, ding went the bell!”) on the trolley date. Or the ghosts of Karl Malden and Michael Douglas shooting at Jake because of his refusal to stop calling the cityÂ “SF.”Â (For you kiddos, that’s an old-timey The Streets of San Francisco television show joke. And I know. Michael Douglas is technically alive, but the joke works better if everyone is dead.) Enough of my hopes and dreams. Jump if you want to discuss the two hours I’ll never get back. Ever.
We should start a petition. That’s what people do when they have important causes like world peace and saving NBC’s Chuck, right? Our petition will ask–beg, actually–ABC to trim The Bachelor by 90 minutes. Something has to be done here because poor, asexual simpleton Jake isn’t equipped to shoulder a two-hour program. Forget the most dramatic episode ever–last night’s show was the longest, most boring thing I’ve ever endured. I feel like I could have earned an MFA, gotten married and raised a kid, and maybe even learned how to balance my checkbook in the 100 years it took Jake to kick four ladies to the curb. So, please, start and sign a petition. (I’m far too lazy to do that or any of the other items mentioned above.) Don’t do it for me, do it for the children (including the poor kid in China that Gia plans to adopt, presumably to preserve her swimsuit model figure). For those with a tough constitution, let’s jump for a more detailed recap. To the rest of you, good luck in your endeavors.