Articles about Open Letter
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Now taking suggestions. “Garbage Alley” is the frontrunner, but probably will lose its lead in the popular vote.
Either that or we start naming all alleys: “The One That Blows Warm Pizza Fumes Onto You;” “Shortcut Nobody Knows Because It’s Super Dark Alley;” “Continuous River of Dirty Soap Alley.”
Dear Texas Rangers Fans
Hey, it’s your old pal, Zac Crain. How’s it going? Yeah, I know. I’ve been there.
DeShawn Stevenson Arrested for Public Intoxication Last Night
DeShawn, DeShawn, DeShawn. If you’re going to drink too much and not know where you are, travel with a buddy, buddy. One that will tell you where you are. Or pin a note on your shirt before you go out for the night, that says, “I am DeShawn Stevenson, and I live at ….”
And if you do decide to get drunk and wander a neighborhood, pick one in Dallas. I’m pretty sure that anyone over here would’ve been cool enough to invite you in, sober you up, and let you sleep it off.
Mayor Leppert, Your Twitter Feed Bores Me
Dear Mayor Leppert,
Hey, Zac Crain here. You may remember me from that time you pretended to remember me, then actually remembered me, but were really remembering someone else. No big deal. There were a lot of bearded magazine editors in that mayoral campaign, who were later bounced off the ballot for — you know what? It’s in the past. Whatever. It got confusing.
So. Your Twitter feed. Sir — can I call you sir? — your tweets are bo-ring. Or, if you prefer, borrrrrrrring. You posted a handful of times in November. Here are two of them:
If you and your loved ones travel this holiday week, my family and I wish you a safe and happy journey.
and
Thank you to all of our heroes in uniform, both past and present.