Every freaking day they wake up demanding to be fed again. And then, more likely than not, refusing to eat the meal you’ve prepared. Every day. There is no cycle, much less a break from the cycle. There is only the grind. I feel like I’m tour managing an endless tour with a band comprised of subliterate narcissists.

The Dallas Morning News (because Twitter fights are awesome and so why wouldn’t Dallas’ paper of record cover them) has the rundown here. But basically, here’s how it went:

Former Bengal/something else/Cowboy Terrell Owens (from his couch, since he’s kind of unemployed at the moment) makes fun of Terence Newman, sort of, for tackling Brandon Marshall and failing to bring him down during last week’s game, likening Newman to a “superman cape” hanging around Marshall’s neck as he ran in the TD. But he totally added “LOL” at the end of that, which should’ve made it cool in the Twitterverse.

Local NBC sports anchor Newy Scruggs then points out that Owens is unemployed, and says that his mocking of Newman was “petty.”  Then it gets interesting, because OMG – Owens straight up called Scruggs fat. To be accurate, he called him “fat-so.” He then insisted that he wasn’t slamming Scruggs, but instead gave him some weight loss tips, like “u’re FAT & need 2 hit the treadmill ASAP!!”

Scruggs then reiterated that while he might be rubber, TO is glue, and whatever he says, bounces off of him, and sticks to Owens. Or maybe he just said something to the effect of, “I have a job and you do not, kind sir!” And then maybe it went back and forth for a little bit longer, with Scruggs telling Owens to pay his child support and quit claiming poverty.

But Owens got the last word, which was “fatmeat.”

Why isn’t there a market for Twitter war play-by-play?

Zac dared me to post a link to it. I don’t turn down a dare. But in the name of all that is right and holy, do not click that link! Especially if you’re at work!

In other news, it’s been nice working here. I’ll miss you guys.