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Making Dallas Even Better

Leading Off (7/30/15)

Rangers Trade For Cole Hamels. The deal for the Phillies ace might be too late to get them in the playoffs this season, but it sets up the team well for 2016. In exchange, they gave up Matt Harrison and a package of prospects, most notably catcher Jorge Alfaro. There is a lot of cash involved, too, so the commissioner’s office hasn’t approved the deal yet. So I guess there is a chance to Rangers could still get DeAndre Jordaned. Yes, we’re saying that now.

Dallas Man Sentenced to 15 Years For Sex Trafficking. LaDestro Douglas was pimping out underage runaways, and got what he deserved. This has been a signed editorial comment by Zac Crain.

Zoo Employees Mourn Kipenzi. Yeah, this still punches me in the gut.

Duncanville Teen Arrested After Video Shows Him Beating Up Other Teens. A few lessons here: 1) Don’t assault other teens, or other older people if you’re an older person. 2) Don’t have someone film you assaulting other teens, or other older people if you’re an older person. 3) If you don’t have someone filming you assaulting other teens, or other older people if you’re an older person, assume someone is filming you assaulting other teens, or other older people if you’re an older person. 4) Definitely do not — and I really can’t stress this enough — post or let anyone post that video of you assaulting other teens, or other older people if you’re an older person, to any social media. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, whatever. Actually, you can post it to LinkedIn.

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Goat Ranch Driving Range Coming to East Dallas

Ever since the Hank Haney driving range in Uptown became not a driving range, I have longed for a near-downtown spot to hit a lunchtime bucket of balls. Yes, Topgolf is great, but it’s too far. Well, it looks like we’ll have a new spot this fall. It’s called the Goat Ranch. It’s from the folks who brought us Bowlounge, and it’ll be on Haskell. From their site:

With 15 hitting bays, customers will hit into a fully-enclosed netted field. The field will not be your usual driving range targets but fun and creative targets, that make loud noise when you hit them.

The bar and event space is an old converted freezer building built years ago with lots of character. Surrounded with glass dock doors overlooking the driving range, the bar will offer a huge selection of mixed drinks and draft beers.

If you’d like to work there, this comes from the Craig’s List post announcing “a new bad ass concept in Dallas!!!”: “We need servers and bartenders. Preferably girls, not completely saying no to dudes, also tattoos welcome!!!”

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Leading Off (7/22/15)

Dallas Police Officer Fired After Sexual Assault Arrest. Chief David Brown fired Senior Corporal Ryan Ramirez yesterday after Ramirez was charged in Kaufman County with aggravated sexual assault of an 8 year old.

Armed Civilians Guard Military Recruiters in Cleburne. Most of the men and women carrying guns, gear, and flags identify themselves as veterans. They say they are there to protect the active service members from an incident like last week’s shooting in Chattanooga. Apparently there are 15 to 20 groups like this organized around the country.

Addison Woman Arrested for Killing Newborn. Police in Addison arrested Luz Aurora Granadosreyes, 25, and charged with capital murder of child under the age of 6.

Jordan Spieth Flew Home with Zach Johnson, Drank from Cup. Really though, everything he does is great. Look at these pictures. Say you don’t love him.

Tony Romo Sues NFL. He’s part owner of “The Fan Expo,” which organized a fantasy football event at the Venetian in Las Vegas. Players scheduled to attend included: Dez Bryant, DeMarco Murray, Odell Beckham Jr., and Rob Gronkowski, The NFL somehow canceled the event, and Romo’s group wants more than a million dollars.

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Dallas To Get WNBA Team

The AP is reporting that the Tulsa Shock are moving to Dallas. (Or as the US News & World Report headline read, “Tusla Shock Moving to Dallas.” Is that, like, the Oklahoma version of Elon Musk’s car?) Here is what you need to know about the Shock: they suck. Or they have sucked. This year they were doing much better, starting the season 8-1. Then their star, Skylar Diggins, blew out her ACL. She’s out for the season. I have been doing some serious research on Diggins. It is my conclusion that I should interview her for a story in D Magazine. More updates soon.

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Will the Texas Rangers Be Buyers Ahead of the MLB Trade Deadline?

Casual Rangers fans, whose last familiarity with this year’s team was some vague notion that 2015 wasn’t going nearly as poorly as expected, I have some news.

Things are now going about as poorly as expected. And the MLB end-of-July trade deadline approaches. But that doesn’t mean there will be a fire sale in Arlington, as usually happens when a team isn’t winning and needs a bit of rebuilding.

In fact, it’s been reported that Texas is a serious suitor for the services of Cole Hamels, still one of the game’s better pitchers but playing for the awful Phillies. Says Grantland:

This might seem curious for a team that’s five games under .500, with just two wins in its past 11, sitting 7.5 games behind the front-running Angels and closer to last place than to first. Except, it’s also a potentially logical move for a team that might have a wider variety of options for 2016 than anyone else.

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D Magazine Hits the Old Course

They just finished up at St. Andrews. A check of the leaderboard shows that Dustin Johnson lead at 10 under. Not a fan. Our guy, Jordan Spieth, had a tough time with the wind and rain. He shot even par today and is tied for 15, at 5 under. Luckily Johnson has shown he’s a choker, and we all know that Spieth is made of Kevlar and military grade titanium.

In other news, our Nancy Nichols is in St. Andrews (as you know, if you’ve been following along). That’s her in the pic above, at the 700-year-old Swilcan Bridge, on the 18th fairway. She reports that she is right now trying to talk her way into the Royal and Ancient Golf Club to get a drink. If she’s successful, I wouldn’t be surprised.

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Leading Off (7/17/15)

Immigrants Claim Discrimination in North Dallas. Tenants of apartments near Royal Lane and Central Expressway have been asked for U.S. identification cards when renewing their leases. Obtaining these is only possible for those who are citizens or who immigrated legally. Managers of the complex say their policy has always been to require a government-issued ID to meet their rental criteria.

Spend This Weekend With Bernie. Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders will host a town hall meeting at the Sheraton downtown at 1 p.m. Sunday.

Driver Hits Bicyclist, Keeps Driving. The victim was stuck in the windshield of the car for about a half-mile before, police say, 19-year-old Silverio Alaniz dumped his body in an alley and drove away. Jimmie Sines was later found and taken to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead.

Who Wants to Play Footgolf? You’ll never be as good as Jordan Spieth at the conventional variety, so you might as well get in on the ground floor of this new sport.

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Special Report from The Open: Jordan Spieth is Having a Blast

ST. ANDREWS, Scotland — Greetings from the home of golf. I spent the last nine hours walking the historic Old Course in St. Andrews where The Open 2015 begins tomorrow. The majority of the time I followed Jordan Spieth during his last practice round.

The crowds appear to love Jordy (too soon?), but the five random fans I interviewed all felt he wouldn’t win. One lady from New Zealand gave me some attitude. “I don’t think he has a chance,” she said. “He’s not an interesting person. There is no drama to him. He doesn’t come from broken home or faced any real challenges in his life.”

I guess she missed The Masters, U.S. Open, and the John Deere Classic, for starters. I could say something snotty about New Zealanders, but I don’t want to waste my time.

Instead, I want to tell you the biggest gossip from the press tent.

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Leading Off (7/15/15)

Farmersville Residents Do Not Want a Muslim Cemetery. This story basically sounds like a Daily Show bit waiting to happen. A choice quote: “We used to grow onions here. We sure enough don’t want to be growing bodies.” And this, from the same story: “Some are threatening to dump pigs blood and put pigs heads on a post so Muslims won’t buy the land.”

Australian Man Accused of Stalking, Raping Woman He Met in Uptown. The details of this case are pretty nightmarish. A woman says a man she met in an Uptown bar “started making unwanted advances,” then jumped into her Lyft ride before assaulting her. Police found him “unconscious” in her bed.

Local Parents Lose Custody After Waco Biker Incident. After he was arrested at Twin Peaks, Rob Bucy and his wife, Marilyn, lost custody of the 5-year-old girl they were in the process of adopting. Marilyn was ordered to pack the girl’s bags and toys and stuffed animals and deliver her to a stranger at the airport — and they are forbidden from contacting the girl. All because he was a member of a biker club that was involved in a massive shootout that left nine people dead.

Deron Williams Signs with the Mavs. No, he’s not a giant center that led the league in rebounding. But he’s from here, and he was really good not long ago, and he isn’t costing the team much. So there’s that.

Dez Bryant Says He’ll Hold Out If There’s No Deal Today. The reported offer is more than $12.8 million per year. Bryant is reportedly asking for a long-term deal worth closer to $16 million per year. He says that if a deal isn’t done by this afternoon, he could miss training camp and possibly regular season games, and the player’s association might file collusion charges. Apparently the Cowboys are skeptical.

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Mavs’ Fallback Plan: Zaza Pachulia

After DeAndre Jordan’s epic pump fake, the Mavs have acquired veteran center Zaza Pachulia from Milwaukee. He’s on an expiring contract, so that doesn’t impact their situation going forward, and he is serviceable.

One thing: if Hotel Zaza does not figure out some sort of promotion involving him, someone over there should be fired.

(Also, apparently the ghost of Deron Williams is looking to stop haunting Brooklyn and move back home-ish. Hey, sure, why not.)

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Clippers Making Push To Keep DeAndre Jordan

Once an NBA free agent makes up his mind, it usually stays made up. There is a moratorium on league business between July 1 and July 9, so no contracts can officially be signed during that time. But almost always, once a player makes intentions clear, all other teams back off. Except now. Marc Stein is reporting that the Clippers are trying to get DeAndre Jordan to change his mind and stay in L.A. rather than sign with the Mavs.

Mark Cuban is in Houston (Jordan’s hometown) trying to beat back their overtures, and apparently, the Mavs’ general manager is on his way.

If Jordan does stay in L.A., 1) Cuban will probably form a breakaway league (if he doesn’t have an aneurysm) (joke credit: my friend Bob Mehr) and 2) I will do everything in my power to run off commenter LewP from this blog forever, because I believe he has willed this into existence. I only exercise so I can properly hold a grudge.

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VIDEO: BYU Football Recruit Charles West Shot Outside Coppell Middle School

Yesterday Charles West, a former Coppell High School student who has signed to play football at Brigham Young University, was shot while playing basketball at Coppell Middle School East. He suffered a wound in his upper arm, was taken to Parkland Hospital, and released.

A FrontBurnervian passed along a video of the shooting, which you can see above. Didn’t know Coppell was such a dangerous place to be. In the footage, you can see West running from the assailant. Police arrested a suspect at about 1:30 p.m. today.

It’s the second time this year that West has gotten his name in the papers for activities unfortunately unrelated to sports. In January he was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and possession of marijuana during an incident in which he also allegedly solicited sex from a prostitute specializing in foot fetishism and S&M.

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