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FBI Searching Turtle Creek in Front of Troy Aikman’s House?

An alert FrontBurnervian tells us that, for the past two days, an FBI evidence response unit, with divers, has been searching the waters of Turtle Creek in front of Troy Aikman’s under-construction house, in Highland Park. A nearby resident confirms that, at this hour, police tape remains, though the divers have left for the day. I am bringing you this vague item because it involves a) an FBI evidence response unit and b) Troy Aikman. But I want to make it clear that Troy Aikman did not kill five hookers while at UCLA, and then did not store those bodies in a freezer, a la Bernie Tiede, only just now choosing to dump the dead hookers in the creek that runs along St. Johns Drive, in front of his house. Further updates as events warrant.

Update (6:38) I love our audience. Another alert FrontBurnervian writes to say that the reason the FBI is searching the creek is because Dean Foods’ former chairman Tom Davis, busted for insider trading, told authorities that he threw his phone into the creek in an attempt to cover up his illegal stock-trading plot. No word, still, on the five hookers.

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Barrett Brown on Jonathan Franzen’s Purity

The Intercept brings us another dispatch from Barrett Brown, who is still in the hole. This time, he reviews Jonathan Franzen’s book Purity. I say this without hyperbole: it is a brilliant piece of writing. It’s 2,500 words, so don’t click over now unless you’ve got 15 minutes or so of uninterrupted reading time. It deserves to be read carefully, savored.

A Concise Review of Last Night’s Best of Big D Party

If you joined us last night at the Bomb Factory for the Best of Big D party, you’re probably moving a little slowly this morning. Get some coffee. Have a Dirty Dusty at lunch. You’ll be okay.

If you didn’t join us, you’re probably wondering how it went. To satisfy your curiosity, I offer you the above picture of Brendan Higgins, former CBS Channel 11 morning anchor. As everyone knows, the severity of a thunderstorm can be judged by ABC Channel 8 weatherman Pete Delkus’ shirtsleeves. The higher up his arms he rolls them, the worse the weather will get. A similar phenomenon occurs with Higgins’ clothes. The lower he unbuttons his shirt, the better the party. Last night, as you can see, was a three-button party.

Thanks to everyone at D Magazine and the Bomb Factory who made it happen. And thanks to our sponsors, too: Ben E. Keith, See’s Candies, Pinstack Bowl, and Topo Chico. Congrats to all the Best of Big D winners. Let’s do it again next year.

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Barrett Brown Gets 30 More Days in the Hole

If you’ve been following along, you know that Barrett was stuck in isolation for possessing hooch. Looked like he’d have to spend 30 to 45 days in the hole. Well, the Bureau of Prisons has held a hearing on the matter, and they’ve given him 30 more days in the hole. As his legal defense folks point out in a post on this matter, what the BOP is doing constitutes torture, according to the United Nations. Is the BOP doing this in retaliation for Barrett’s first column on The Intercept, which was posted about a week ago? Naw. Couldn’t be.

Barrett Brown’s First Column for Glenn Greenwald’s Intercept

As I mentioned earlier, Barrett has left little FrontBurner for the larger playing field of The Intercept, a Glenn Greenwald joint. Today brings us his first offering over there. Here’s how he introduced himself to his new readers:

According to the few FBI files that the bureau has thus far made public, I’m a militant anarchist revolutionary who once teamed up with Anonymous in an attempt to “overthrow the U.S. government,” and on another, presumably separate occasion, I plotted unspecified “attacks” on the government of Bahrain, which, if true, would really seem to be between me and the king of Bahrain, would it not? There’s also a book out there that claims I’m from Houston, whereas in fact I spit on Houston. As to the truth on these and other matters, I’m going to play coy for now, as whatever else I may be, I’m definitely something of a coquette. All you really need to know for the purposes of this column is that I’m some sort of eccentric writer who lives in a prison, and I may or may not have it out for the king of Bahrain.

We will miss the guy, but we will remain a faithful reader.

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Barrett Brown Has Gotten Himself Thrown in the Hole Again

As I told Barrett’s mom when I heard the news that Barrett had been put in solitary again, if you are going to poke the bear, as Barrett does as a columnist for this blog, you’ve got to keep your nose clean. Barrett recently failed on that front. Barrett’s side of the story: some inmates were making hooch. Those inmates, along with Barrett, were given breathalyzers; everyone passed. Subsequently, only Barrett’s locker was searched. Authorities found hooch in it. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Last week, he was taken from his cell and thrown in the hole (or SHU), where he has been unable to get his meds or even a pencil. He now only gets two phone calls per month. Sometimes his mom reads him things like this blog post. So I’ll offer this:

Barrett, it’s easier to pillory the Bureau of Prisons and its Kafkaesque operation when you are standing on firm and steady moral high ground, when you are doing your level best to follow the rules, especially the ones that make sense, like not drinking jailhouse hooch. It’s also easier to do that when you have a pencil. We want to read what you have to say. We can’t do that unless you behave yourself.

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The Barrett Brown Review of Arts and Letters and Jail: Eff You, Axl Rose

I’ve spent so much of the last two columns denouncing the prison administration for its assorted violations of U.S. law and English grammar that I’ve barely said anything about what it’s like to live in prison. It’s really not too bad. Doing time is hardest on those with children, while I myself am putting off having kids until such time as I’ve acquired a fortified compound on which to train them. Certainly I miss some of my old friends from time to time, but, frankly, over the last couple of years I’ve gradually replaced them with far more interesting convict friends.

Each morning I get up around dawn-ish in the alcove I share with 11 other inmates, including an El Salvadoran people smuggler, a couple of Mexican gang members, a former Army major who held Top Secret clearance and whom I occasionally spy on for old time’s sake, and a guy called Outlaw.

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The Barrett Brown Review of Arts and Letters and Jail: This Prison Is Kind of Corrupt

Last time I noted that the prison administration here at Federal Correctional Institution Fort Worth had cut off my access to the inmate email system shortly after I sent a message to another journalist about wrongdoing by Bureau of Prisons staff, thus providing us with a fine opportunity by which to see how the BOP really operates as I take my case up through the agency ranks via a charmingly baroque complaint procedure known as the Administrative Remedy Process. There have been some telling new developments on that front that I’ll relate by and by, but it would be remiss of me not to first say a few words about the prison itself, and fuck if I’m going to leave myself open to accusations of being remiss.

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The Barrett Brown Review of Arts and Letters and Jail: A Sign of Things to Come

At the end of February, I arrived at the Fort Worth Federal Correctional Institution, where I’ll be serving the remainder of my five-year sentence, unless something unforeseen happens, like, say, the American people overthrow the federal government, release me from my cell, and declare me Dictator For Life of the Amalgamated Union of North American […]

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Best of the Best Lists: 2014 Year in Review

It’s the time of year again when we take a look back at what most tickled the fancies of our readers, and in the case of our content the answer is “best” lists. Magazines are often criticized for being list-centric, but you know why so many magazines lean that way? Because people like to look at lists. Even if it’s just because they want to view our selections and tell us we don’t know what the hell we’re talking about, readers continue to come back for more.

These were the most popular listicles on our website in 2014:

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Vote Now For Your Favorite Men in Week 3 of 10 Most Eligible Men in Dallas

The next round of bachelors are live and ready for your votes. Kirby Schlegel is a sports executive with a knack for filling stadiums making breakfast tacos. Dr. Amir Baluch is an anesthesiologist who dabbles in real estate and enjoys dinners at Tei An. Ben Smithee is a marketing consultant who plays the saxophone and loves the Rangers. Jeff Florey is Bedford’s arts and events coordinator who spends time saving the planet  and writing poetry. Justin Magnuson is a health care executive who enjoys helping people sleep better and luxurious traveling. Who’s your favorite? Vote for three every day through Sunday.

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Week 2 of the 10 Most Eligible Men in Dallas Voting Has Begun

Your next round of bachelors is available for your viewing pleasure.  In the lineup, we have a dentist Andy Chang, sports anchor Guy Rawlings, modeling agent James Williford, portfolio manager Jason Ziegler, and restaurateur Jonathan Rosenberg. Take your pick. Take three, in fact. You can select a trio of your favorite guys and vote for them once a day every day through Sunday at midnight, when we’ll reveal to you the candidates of Week 3.

Who Will Be The 10 Most Eligible Men in Dallas 2014?

You likely remember our contest, the 10 Most Beautiful Women in Dallas. It wasn’t that long ago we revealed to you the winners in our December issue. We’ve changed it up this year and are shining the spotlight on the other half. In May, we put out a call for Dallas’ best bachelors. From the hundreds of nominees we received, we narrowed the pile to down to 20 outstanding Dallas gents. Now we need your help selecting the top 10. Check out our first five candidates this week, select your three favorites, and vote. You can come back and vote once a day every day. Voting for this first round ends Sunday at midnight, when we’ll release the candidates of Week 2. We’ll need you to come back and help us out again. Ready, set, go.

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