Richard P. Sheridan, the nutjob who finished fourth in Saturday’s election for the District 13 seat on the Dallas City Council, is mad at me. To hear him tell it, it’s because I didn’t do enough to inform the voters that Leland Burk, who finished second to Jennifer Staubach Gates, is gay. But I think it also has something to do with the fact that all I said about Sheridan in my election preview for Preston Hollow People is that he is best known for being physically removed from public meetings after exceeding the time limits for speakers. Or maybe Sheridan is just mad in general because he received only 28 votes (0.27 percent), two years after he somehow backed into 1,054 of them (10.56 percent). Heck, a teenager did better than him this time around; 18-year-old Jacob King garnered 77 votes, and Sheridan vowed to stop running for office if King’s total exceeded his.
Whatever. The reasons don’t matter. You can’t try to apply logic to the raving lunatic who left me a voicemail at 9:24 on Saturday night in which he called me a coward six times, a “[see you next Tuesday]” five times, a “mother[lover]” four times, a bitch twice, “a disgrace to our city” once, and “a sorry ass” once. In the middle of all that, he also said, “I don’t think you have one testicle, sir.” (He’s wrong about that last point, but I appreciate him calling me “sir.”)
Well, Richard (or should I call you Dick? Yeah, I should), all I can say in response, Dick, is your talk is cheap; you’re not a man. The word is out, you’re doing wrong; gonna lock you up before too long. I’m telling you, just watch your mouth; I know your game, what you’re about. What I’m trying to say is, I’m bad. (And the whole world has to answer right now just to tell you once again.)
UPDATE: Listen to the full, NSFW voicemail here.
With all this talk about air-traffic control and furloughs and national parks and F-35s, there’s a bunch of stuff around here that we’d like to sequester instead:
-That pedestrian crossing sign at the Pearl Street/Ross Avenue intersection that flashes “72, 71, 70…” then an immediate orange hand when you’re a quarter of the way across the street. SEQUESTERED.
- The 35 mile-per-hour speed
trap limit on the Margaret Hunt Hill Bridge. SEQUESTERED.
- Mixologists. Do you have liquor? A glass? Insert A into B. I will pay you for it. SEQUESTERED.
- Calling science “The Boogeyman.” SEQUESTERED.
- SMU frats, because man! those have been a real fun time lately haven’t they? SEQUESTERED.
- Secession. SEQUESTERED. (Which sounds like some kind of Rush cover band, or maybe a Georgetown a-cappella group.)
- The words foodie, artisan, and hipster. None of those mean anything. SEQUESTERED.
- Saying things are always bigger in Texas. SEQUESTERED.
- Ice skating rinks in parks that are doing awesome on their own. SEQUESTERED.
- The eye of Sauron. SEQUESTERED.
Feel free to add your own.
A bill filed recently by San Angelo Rep. Drew Darby would limit challenges to the West Texas radioactive waste dump owned by Dallas billionaire (and evil genius) Harold Simmons. The bill, according to the Texas Observer, is “a grab-bag of measures that would put up roadblocks for groups or individuals challenging the company even as it allows Waste Control to bring in ‘hotter’ waste.”
“It guts the protections of that assure citizens get a fair hearing on any changes in the radioactive waste dump,” Tom Smith of Public Citizen told the paper.
Darby has received $20,000 in campaign contributions the past two years from the dump’s parent company, Waste Control Specialists. Darby’s chief-of-staff characterized the bill as aiding “operational flexibility.” Complicating the site’s regulatory process is the fact that while it sits in Andrews County, the closest and most affected town is actually in New Mexico. (Here’s a Google Map view of the Waste Control location, and Eunice, New Mexico. There’s also a review of Waste Control that calls the dump’s owners “Possibly some of the biggest criminals in the history of our state.”)
“The upshot of this is that it allows the dump to be quickly filled by highly profitable radioactive materials from out of state,” Public Citizen’s Smith told the Observer, “enriching Harold Simmons now. As a result when we need the dump 30 years form now for the South Texas Project nuclear reactor or the Comanche Peak reactor, there won’t be space.”
I thank Donnie and Dallas for the consideration and while I think the D-League is a great opportunity, it is not the route for me.
— Allen Iverson (@alleniverson) January 29, 2013
I realize my actions contributed to my early departure from the NBA, should God provide me another opportunity I will give it my all
— Allen Iverson (@alleniverson) January 29, 2013
Mosley, Crain, and I had some very interesting fan fiction plans for Iverson's life in Frisco, so this is obviously disheartening.
Direct quote from Neil Maddux, washing machine destroyer: “This is how you wash the sh*t out of aÂ Tony Romo jersey, when you don’t play worth a damn.”
So far, The Josh Hamilton (literally his Twitter handle) has been quiet. Others, not so much.
Josh Hamilton’s reported $25M per year average annual value would be the 3rd-highest for a free agent. Only A-Rod (twice) got more.
— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) December 13, 2012
With Josh Hamilton going to the #Angels, they are baseball’s version of the nWo. Hamilton is Nash. Pujols is Hogan.
— Robert Flores (@RoFloESPN) December 13, 2012
And Hamilton’s new teammate:
— Mike Trout (@Trouty20) December 13, 2012
To make all you sad Rangers fans happier, watch this video:
When I first moved to Texas two years ago, I ate so much grapefruit that my now-wife had to force me to stop. I was getting sick, but I couldn’t get over how cheapÂ the fruits were (four for $1 last week at Sprouts). Even the grapefruit juice was cheap, defying all of Ocean Spray’s supply-chain economics. I would eat a grapefruit for breakfast, and wash it down with a glass of grapefruit juice. Scurvy didn’t stand a chance in that apartment.
I’d send photos of grapefruit prices to my dad with pithy comments like, “Bet you wish it was this cheap in New York!” and he’d text back something like “You really need to get a life.” I defended grapefruit to everyone, and loaded my cart with them every week.
Now Slate seems to think they’re the worst fruits ever harvested, a scourge on our stomachs and stockings. From their completely off-base piece this morning:
This killjoy has already invaded our breakfast routines. Its balefulÂ pink,Â white, orÂ redÂ flesh shines from thousands of tables. Its pulp gets stuck in our teeth. Its juice stains our clothes. And now, we are asked to inflict the scourge on our relatives, shipping it off in packages of 12 or more in order to demonstrate ourÂ love?
No. Grapefruit is unwieldy, disgusting, and in some cases dangerous to eat. It is indisputably the worst fruit anyone has ever put on a plate.
No, you’re unwieldy, disgusting, and in some cases dangerous to eat, Katy Waldman. (I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Truly. You’re probably lovely. I’ve resorted to playground tactics.) She goes on to explain that the compounds in grapefruit inhibit the proper processing of some medications, meaning grapefruit is literally killing you. This, no. The same warning is on the side of every bottle of pills I’ve ever seen, and it’s never stopped me from washing down an antibiotic with a beer.
She also mentions grapefruit tastes disgusting and is impossible to eat. Erroneous! Erroneous on both counts!Â The truth is, when properly ripened, grapefruit is delicious, and, with two minutes of time, easy to eat. Get it together, Waldman!
Warning: unless you work at a depraved office like I do, the language in this video is incredibly NSFW. Still, it’s worth it just to get to the end (starts at 1:50) where dude shows his true roots and starts rhyming about Highland Park and St. Mark’s. Shot last night on Lower Greenville.
As his company circles the drain, Hostess CEO Gregory Rayburn will continue to make $125,000 a month, the New York Post reported over the weekend.
The rest of the Irving-based company’s remaining employees were hit with an eight percent pay cut – at Rayburn’s hand – but since the CEO isn’t technically an employee of the company, he’ll keep his $1.5 million annual salary thankyouverymuch. A company spokesman told the Huffington Post that since Rayburn was brought in as a restructuring advisor to help with the company’s bankruptcy woes, his title precludes him from the cuts. Never mind the fact that the company’s fortunes have crashed and deliciously burned since Rayburn came on in March, apparently.
One bit of comfort for the 18,000 people losing their Hostess jobs: Rayburn didn’t accept his bonus, which would’ve paid betweenÂ $375,000 and $1.125 million.
The board of Dallas-based Oncor recently authorized a $17 million payment to its CEO, Robert Shapard, and three other execs are receiving payments of more than $2.7 million apiece, the Texas Tribune reported this morning. The approval for the bonuses was filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission on Nov. 21, the day before Thanksgiving.Â Consumer advocates were not pleased.Â The company’s performance does “not in any way justify bonuses,” Tom “Smitty” Smith, Texas director for Public Citizen, told the Tribune. The bonuses come on the heels of the company’s recent $5-a-month add-on forÂ its construction of wind-power transmission lines built acrossÂ Texas, and the installation of smart meters, which will cost consumers $2.19 a month for the next 10 years.
I live in Oak Cliff. I like living in Oak Cliff. This is something I dislike about Oak Cliff.
From a post on an Oak Cliff-based Facebook page:
A dude on a red bike, glasses, black leather jacket is pedaling around Winnetka Heights vandalizing people’s cars with these bumper stickers. Might wanna go check your cars.
If I didn’t hate this dude so much, I’d admire his gumption. A leather jacket on a bicycle is tough to pull off.
Khalid Ali-M Aldawsari was sentenced to life in prison today in Amarillo, for the attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction, the Associated Press reports.
Prosecutors say Aldawsari had collected bomb-making materials and researched possible targets, including former President George W. Bush’s Preston Hollow home. He was convicted of the crime in June.
Investigators say Aldawsari’s goal was to carry out jihad, though his attorneys claimed he was a harmless failure who never came close to attacking anyone.
When your own attorneys are sonning you, it’s probably time to find a new calling.
STOP POSTING THERMOMETER PICS ON FACEBOOK/TWITTER/INSTAGRAM. And don’t think you can get around it by posting thermometer shots of somewhere else and saying “I wish !!!!!!” because that is maybe even worse. I am a human with working nerves and ruined shirts so I obviously know what the temperature is, and I live in Texas, so I could probably guess even if you locked me in a sensory depravation tank, or banged me on the head so I turned into the guy from Memento/Tim. I stay up late, have a laptop, and am an extremely good guesser (the number you’re thinking of right now is 8), so please do not make me lock all of you out of your accounts, because I will do so.
Yesterday, I expressed my irritation with just about everyone who parks in the Hall Arts parking garage. If you’re unfamiliar, there’s a fairly long walkway to the elevators at the pedestrian entrance/exit, and almost no one bothers to hold the elevator doors for people approaching. Anyway, a fellow parker who doesn’t work in Chase Tower sent me a very enjoyable email with a suggestion for improvement. And because he’s a loyal FrontBurnervian, he also points out my presumptive/probable hypocrisy.
The Big German was one of the team’s nominees to throw out a first pitch at one of their home games. But according to our pal, ESPN’s Marc Stein, Major League Baseball decided not to approve the request. Why? One possible reason: the NBA’s current labor unrest. A MLB spokesperson denies that. Here’s their reasoning:
“You want the club’s input in what makes sense for them and then we talk about what makes sense for the team and a good broad-base national appeal.”
I don’t even know what to tell you guys. OK. I’ll try. In other words, Dirk Nowitzki, the NBA’s MOST MARKETABLE PLAYER, has no broad-base national appeal. Bud Selig can go jump in a lake full of rusty pitchforks and food-deprived sharks.