Jones Boys Maybe Need To Sit Out a Few Plays

Jerral Jones and his son Stephen are having quite a week. First embarrassing pictures of Jerry taken five years surface. Lesson No. 1: if you’re going to party with strippers, ban all photography. Just to be safe, ban courtroom sketching, too. Then Stephen is caught on video using one of the Cowboys buses to make a beer run, only instead of beer, he picked up a bunch of navel-baring club strumpets. Lesson No. 2: if you’re going on a strumpet run, have the bus pull around back for load in. Gene (Jerry’s wife), Charlotte (Jerry’s daughter), and Karen (Stephen’s wife) must be none too pleased with their men. Here’s the thing about that Cowboys bus:

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A Less Than Complete Recap of Last Night’s ‘Best of Big D’ Party That Includes an Appearance by Pat Green

A good time was had by all, I believe, at last night’s Best of Big D party at the Rustic. DJ Sober and Sam Lao were great. The drinks flowed freely. Much food went into many mouths. And so on and so forth. But I will tell you this: before the front moved through, it was a little steamy. The meteorological conditions occasioned my favorite moment of the night:

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Here Is Why I Will Not Attend the ‘Best of Big D’ Jackopierce Concert

After a year-long hiatus, this year we are once again hosting a “Best of Big D” party. It’ll be at the Rustic July 23. You can buy tickets here. For $50, you get adult beverages and food from some of the best restaurants in town. DJ Sober will feed your ears. For another $15, though, you get to stick around for a Jackopierce concert, which starts at 9:30. Me, I will be gone by then. “Why is that?” you ask? Because I have been boycotting Jackopierce since June 1996. Here is a column I wrote for the dearly departed Met on that month:

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Erykah Badu Crashes NYC Newscast

Hat tip to Central Track for bringing me (and by extension you) this video of Erykah Badu jacking around with a guy doing a standup in New York City. Check out both the Vine and the YouTube versions. Girl was determined to get some play.

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Bradley Cooper Wears Short Shorts to Play Chris Kyle in American Sniper

The site Celebitchy has the photos. See for yourself how actor Bradley Cooper is dressed to play former Navy SEAL Chris Kyle in director Clint Eastwood’s sure-to-be Oscar bait of a biopic, American Sniper.

As this site notes, nothing says “frogman” like a pair of these khaki Underwater Demolition Team shorts. You can buy your own on Amazon.

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Former Dallas City Councilman Dave Neumann Did Not Get a Parking Ticket Today, and Likely Never Will

In May 2011, Scott Griggs unseated Dave Neumann for the District 3 slot on the Dallas City Council. Today, Dave Neumann left a downtown event, hopped into a car on Lamar Street, pulled a quick U-turn, and headed off.

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New Nicknames For Dirk Nowitzki

The best part of last night’s Conan show was the appearance by the Dallas Mavericks’ Dirk Nowitzki, who administered the host a “Texas citizenship test.” During the bit, Dirk launched into a recitation of acceptable nicknames for himself, in addition to “The Dunking Deutschman.” We need to adopt one of these immediately:

  • Dirk Diggler
  • The German Wunderkind
  • The Germanator
  • The 7-Foot Schnitzel
  • The Berlin Tall
  • Super Streudel
  • Baron von Slamminstein
  • Admiral von Slamminhausen
  • Kaiser von Dunkinslammin
  • Der Dunkinschnitzel
  • Der Dribblemeister
  • Der Dunkinmeister
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Inside the Majestic Theatre For Conan O’Brien’s First Dallas Show

Conan O’Brien and his pompadour brought Team Coco to the Majestic Theater for a few days’ worth of tapings, a run-up to the Final Four later this week.  Monday afternoon’s show filled the Majestic to capacity, every seat taken, even the second balcony. The audience was a mix, 20-somethings through people in their 50s, with more than a few old enough to collect Social Security.  The applause signs over the monitors were hardly needed as the crowd went wild every time the former writer and producer for The Simpsons pointed their way. Did I say wild? Let me rephrase: wild and LOUD, clapping and screaming with enough volume to rattle the fillings in your teeth.

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