Dallas Man Wants All of Us — Including Venus-born Women — to Go to Mars

(Excuse the headline. Tim was just talking about a Sex, Lies and Videotape headline in another publication, and I wanted something equally dated.) Mars, man. What an idea. Ditch this lame old planet, set up shop on a whole new one. Destroy that one, then head on to Uranus or something equally funny. Dallas resident […]

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Congressman Louie Gohmert is Literally the Only Rep to Vote Against Removing the Word ‘Lunatic’ From the Federal Code

The U.S. House voted Wednesday to remove the word “lunatic” from the Federal Code. It was a move that was a long time coming, one that’s been pushed and supported by the American Psychiatric Association, the American Counseling Association, and the National Association of School Psychologists. In sum: it’s not a great thing to call […]

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Romney Campaign Manager: ‘I Believe We Probably Could Have Just Beaten Perry With the Social Security Hit.’

One of the biggest strikes against Mitt Romney during the general election was that since he had to skew so far to the right during the Republican primary race it was nearly impossible to brand himself otherwise during the general election. Nowhere was this more evident than immigration. Okay, maybe taxes, health care, and lots […]

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Petition Asks President Obama to Remove Jerry Jones From the Cowboys Organization Entirely

Now that the country has learned about democracy and technology and their combustible love-child known as the White House’s “We The People” petition page, it was only a matter of time before someone asked President Obama to step in and fix the mess at Cowboys Stadium. Steven M., from Fort Benning, Ga., wrote: We, the […]

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Mark Cuban: Balance Bracelets Are a Joke, and The NBA ‘Was Dumb Enough to Get Scammed’

Power Balance bracelets “blend the powers of Eastern Philosophy and Western Science with Innovative Technologies to deliver products that improve and enhance people’s lives.” Poor capitalization not withstanding, Mark Cuban has another word for them: scam. He posted the above video last week, in which he throws all of the NBA-branded bracelets in the trash. In […]

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An Addison Man Is Planning an ‘End of the World’ Party for December 21, and I Think We Should Go

There are a lot of nuggets in this Reddit thread, but let’s start with his lede: Date: 12/21/12 That is right boys and girls the last date for humans. After this, everything you know will cease to exist. Its kind of far away but there is a lot of planning to do. When do you […]

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UFO Spotted Over Arlington, Definitely NOT Just a Small Plane With Sunlight Hitting The Wings

Whenever someone sends me a video with the title “Best UFO Sightings Of October 2012 – Worldwide,” I gotta watch it. Creature of habit. That and we really don’t do all that much in this office, other than watch Best UFO sighting videos. Arlington residents should be proud, then, that they made this month’s compilation […]

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Garland-based Prophet: Obama Wins Reelection

Pastor Joseph William Mwenya runs the Global Fellowship Church out of an industrial park storefront in Garland. His church’s praise and worship leader is a man named Joseph GoForth, capitalization courtesy of Mr. GoForth. He may or may not be the snazziest-dressing prophet, behind Ezekiel. While a teen, his friends nicknamed him “The Undertaker.” On October […]

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