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A Case of Spontaneous Generation?

Tim Rogers — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:16:01 +0000

A law-practicing FrontBurnervian has an interesting wildlife scenario unfolding in his backyard. I figured someone here could help:

I recently noticed two bluegills swimming among our koi and goldfish in our pond. We live near a creek — but far enough away that it would be a fairly long trek for two fish to flop. Plus, they would have to scale a stone wall. My wife points to their appearance as further support of her virgin-birth explanation for our first and third children. I pointed out that the bluegills’ appearance would technically fall in the category of spontaneous generation, and didn’t we agree that we weren’t going to talk about that anymore? Does anyone in the FrontBurner nation have a theory on how they got there? The fish, that is.

Scenes From the New Office (One in a Series)

Tim Rogers — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:42:26 +0000

We’ve been here now a month, but the job of decorating the place is still under way. Today this showed up in the men’s bathroom.

Celebrate Veterans Day The Best Way Possible

Zac Crain — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:21:20 +0000

By watching clips of dogs welcoming home their soldier owners from tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. (Don’t watch the last clip — which is not of dogs, but of little kids — if you work in an office where openly weeping at your desk is frowned upon.)

(H/T: everyone on the Internet today)

Bruce Parrott, Potentially Anthropomorphic District 3 School Board Candidate

Zac Crain — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:37:19 +0000

I should probably, at this point, have further investigated the various candidates for the District 3 spot on the Dallas ISD school board, since that’s the district in which I vote. I’ve been busy. I’m sorry. But, in a way, I have been paying attention to at least one candidate. His name is Bruce Parrott. I drive past his signs every day. After a month or so of staring at those signs while stopped at this light or that, I’ve come to a conclusion. Based on his name and general appearance, I believe Bruce Parrott to be an anthropomorphic parrot. That’s right. A real bird. I don’t know how it happened, but there it is. I also may be staying up too late.

I don’t know. You tell me if I’m crazy, based on the most recent head shot I could find. It’s after the jump.

My New-Found Love for SMU’s Diminutive Mascot

Tim Rogers — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 18:04:17 +0000

I’m told by someone who would know that SMU is going to unveil a new mascot at the Navy game, on the 17th. Anyone hear anything about this? The Internet isn’t talking to me right now. Apparently June Jones is doing the same thing for SMU that he did for Hawaii, when he upgraded them from the Rainbows to the Rainbow Warriors. That little pony named Peruna will get himself a big brother, an actual mustang. All of which I offer as an explanation for why I was doing some Peruna research. Says here the little guy not only has tried to have intercourse with another mascot (Tech’s horse), but he’s actually killed another mascot (Fordham ram). I think this sort of behavior could be leveraged to increase attendance at games. You listening, June?

Cowboys Fans Celebrate Win With a Bang (NSFW)

Josh Hixson — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:00:41 +0000

… in the “Hall of Fame Level” bathrooms at the brand new broken in Cowboys Stadium in Arlington. No joke. Two fans clad in Michael Irvin throwback jerseys decided that all the excitement of a thoroughly lackluster win by Romo and the Boys could only be sated by a quickie in one of Jerry’s marble-tiled handicap bathroom stalls.

This definitely NSFW link will take you to the Deadspin post that includes video of the pair drunkenly going at it. The video is very short, but in IMHO the dude was over served and lacking in the imagination department. Is it wrong that I hear Brad Sham’s voice saying, “Irvin loves Irving Irvin,” every time I watch it?

Also, check out photographer Eliot Boney’s website. He’s the guy with the apropos name taking credit for the masterful camera work. No word yet on who the two Irvin wannabees are. My question: Where was security while this was going on?

Comments are on like Donkey Kong. Who’s got the best Chris Berman play-by-play?

Stefan Merrill Block Digs Plano Coyotes

Tim Rogers — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:41:36 +0000

If you know the name “Stefan Merrill Block,” then you probably read his well-reviewed debut novel, The Story of Forgetting. If you don’t know the name, then no matter. You should read his essay from today’s New York Times about coyotes in Plano (among other things). Good stuff.

City Finally Allows North Haven Gardens to Sell Chickens

Zac Crain — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 21:16:44 +0000

A couple of months ago, just as North Haven Gardens was getting its urban henkeeping program up and running, the city stepped in and cried “fowl.” (Sorry — we’re deep into shipping the October ish, and I’m getting a bit punchy.) North Haven was allowed to continue selling supplies for backyard coops and hold basic henkeeping classes. But the heart of the garden center’s efforts — actually selling hens — was cut out. Today, North Haven got good news: “The city is changing the certificate of occupancy. Right now we are zoned to sell plants and related garden center products. The city has now said that chickens are garden related.” Full disclosure: that quote comes from my wife, Nikki, who works there. Anyway, on September 19, North Haven will have pullets (juvenile hens) for sale at the store. And Nikki now owes me one. So everyone wins.

Leading Off (8/14/09)

Eric Celeste — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 13:28:13 +0000

1. Oncor was awarded a $115 million rate increase by the Public Utility Commission ($2.50 to $3 per customer), less than half the increase it was asking for. The increase will (among other things) help pay for new smart meters, because the old smart meters seemed really smart until you got a few beers in them, and then they started talking about how Obama was born in Afghanistan and such.

2. Chesapeake Energy Corp. has shut down two wells that have been linked to recent earthquakes in Cleburne, including one well that was drilled near a fault line that runs through DFW airport. Wait. Through DFW Airport? Doesn’t that feel like I’m burying the lead here?

3. And that (still-moving) car on Southwest Loop 820 that was rammed by that (now-dead) bull? The (still-shaken) driver had survived three tours in Iraq.

Spay/Neuter Program For DFW Pets Seeking Emergency Funds

Glenn Hunter — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 16:26:17 +0000

The Metroplex Animal Coalition says it spayed and neutered 1,081 dogs and cats owned by low-income families from January through June. That compares to 1,977 surgeries all last year, and 1,257 the year before. The bad news is, the program that’s free to low-income pet owners is running out of dough. As a result, the MAC is asking for emergency, tax-deductible contributions to keep the program going. To pony up, click here and go to the Patt Davis Memorial Spay/Neuter Fund link. Now.