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Everything’s Bigger In SHUT UP

This headline, for a preview of the new Nebraska Furniture Mart, is not word-for-word the dreaded “everything’s bigger in Texas” trope, no. But it is meant to evoke that phrase and for that is is close enough. Too close. It’s hard enough when those jeans-kicking words are trotted out by carpetbagging Yankees, but much worse when the lazy cliche-spouting comes from inside the house.


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Further Thoughts On The Guy That Ordered That Giant Starbucks Drink

1. Now that I see the details of Andrew Chifari’s stunt — as a Gold member of their loyalty club, he was entitled to a free drink, basically limited only by whatever dumb thing he could come up with and whatever the baristas would allow, and, I mean, what do they care — I sort of respect the hustle.
2. THAT SAID, it took him five days to drink it. That I do not respect. The way I see it, Starbucks called his bluff and then he folded. Sure, it would have been borderline suicidal to drink that many shots of espresso in one day. Look at it this way: when you order one of those gag 72-ounce steaks, you clean your plate or you lose. You don’t get up on the steakhouse wall with a doggie bag. Same rules apply here, as far as I’m concerned.
3. The name he came up with for the drink — Sexagintuple Vanilla Bean Mocha Frappuccino — lacks panache. I mean, OK, it’s Starbucks, so maybe he felt he had to abide by the naming conventions. But you bring your own 128-ounce vase and manage to get them to fill it with caffeine slurry, you get naming rights, and you need something that doesn’t sound like an Idiocracy deleted scene. Say you want a “DEATHBRINGER” and have them Sharpie your name on the side.
4. Finally: “I think the fact that Kelly Ripa said my name and Michael Strahan said I was smart has been the most exciting.” DREAM BIGGER, FELLA.

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All Clichés Are Bigger in Texas Award Nominee: Starting a Business Edition

So Forbes recently ranked Dallas as one of the best markets in the country for starting a business. The seventh-best, to be exact. Said they of our fair city:

The northern Texas city gets consistently good marks across all categories. Its small businesses, while not as well-liked as others on our list, are likely to fall in high-growth industries and adopt social media. With nearly half of its businesses employing less than 50 people, Dallas also boasts a relatively large small business community.

That’s all good and fine. But we’re here to discuss their choice of photo in representing Dallas as a vibrant home to entrepreneurship: A row of western boots.

Let’s see how this compares to the art used for the remainder of the top 12:

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All Clichés Are Bigger in Texas Award Nominee: Conan O’Brien Edition

Conan O’Brien is bring his TBS talk show to Dallas to tape a week’s worth of shows at the Majestic Theater in the days leading up to the NCAA Final Four being played at Jerry’s AT&T Death Star at Arlington, April 5 and 7. Show dates are March 31-April 3, and free tickets are supposed to be made available today. Sign up for those here.

Team Coco (O’Brien’s production company) is also seeking submissions of fan art with a Texas or basketball or (presumably) Texas basketball theme. Select entries will be used within the Majestic or possible broadcast.

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All Clichés Are Bigger in Texas Award Nominee: Champ d’Or Edition

Check out this headline on a blog post about the sprawling $35 million Champ d’Or estate in Hickory Creek going back on the market.

Et tu, Houston Chronicle?


Another in a rambling, occasional, rootin’, tootin’, calf-ropin’ series about writers who use Texas and Dallas clichés in their pieces.

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All Clichés Are Bigger in Texas Award Nominee: Wildfire Edition

A Texas-based writer really ought to know better. From the San Antonio Business Journal: Everything is bigger in Texas — including the risk for damage to homes as a result of wildfires. The article cites a report stating that more than 54,000 homes in the state are at very high risk of sustaining wildfire damage: […]

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D Magazine’s Lame-Duck Editor To Debate the Merits of Dallas vs. Houston on Public Radio, Ctd.

I could be wrong, but I might have made an enemy today. His name is Scott Vogel, and he’s the editorial director of Houstonia Magazine. He was my sparring partner in the debate today about the supposed rivalry between Dallas and Houston. It aired on Houston’s public radio station, KUHF. I did the segment from […]

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All Clichés Are Bigger in Texas Award Nominee: Gardening Edition

From the Philadelphia Inquirer‘s gardening blog: They grow everything big in Texas I’m talking tomato cages here. These are 24 inches’ diameter and 6 feet tall with 2-foot extensions! I need ‘em this big to accommodate the grafted tomatoes I bought last week … Nothing’s worse than tomato season in full force, and your plants […]

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All Clichés Are Bigger in Texas: Filibuster Edition

From our friends at the Texas Tribune: Everything is bigger in Texas – even our filibusters. In 1977, TX senator set record with 43-hour effort. — Texas Tribune (@TexasTribune) March 14, 2013 I hate to call out the Tribune, though, because that’s an interesting piece that you should read immediately. Rand Paul ain’t got […]

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All Clichés Are Bigger in Texas Award: 32-Ounce Bloody Mary Edition

In a piece about Anvil Pub’s 32-ounce Bloody Mary, CentralTrack’s Melissa Mack: Our reputation here in Dallas is that we like everything big. Our hair, our football stadiums, you name it. Funny, then, that most Bloody Mary options in the area brunch scene are served rather bare — just some vodka, a little mix, some […]

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