Armed Protesters Set Up Outside Irving Mosque. Probably the least surprising, but still depressing, story over the weekend. Good job, Beth Van Duyne. [hour-long fart sound]
Cowboys Win. Since they are in a division that is the football equivalent of a garbage scow, the Cowboys are somehow alive still in the playoff race after beating the Dolphins. Also: Jerry Jones met with Greg Hardy, regarding Hardy being the worst. “He is aware that everything he does — his personality, his style, his enthusiasm — it’s all going to be interpreted negatively,” Jones said. He added, “He understands it, and he has agreed to really work on it.” I like a team owner who comes off like a cross between an incompetent substitute teacher and a mom who lets her kids’ friends have beers.
Woman Sues For Return of Original Film That Captured JFK Assassination. Gayle Nix Jackson — granddaughter of Orville Nix, who recorded the footage —filed a federal lawsuit over the weekend asking for its return or $10 million. There are copies of the 60 feet of 8mm film, but the original may no longer exist. In a related story: I would also like the footage my grandfather shot or, failing that, $10 million.
Joker Attacks Gotham. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
FC Dallas Loses First Leg of Western Conference Finals. After falling 3-1 in Portland, in order to move on to the MLS Cup Finals, FC Dallas has to win on Sunday 2-0, by three or more goals, or 3-1 and hope for the best in penalties. I think. I watched at a bar and saw the Mavs lose somewhat controversially and FCD give up a crushing third goal in stoppage time in the space of about two minutes. FUN.