Leading Off (8/20/14)

Gov. Rick Perry Booked. And I have to say: bravo on the mugshot. Confident, a bit wily. Just an all-around A+ effort. After his photoshoot, he went to get ice cream.

Affluenza Teen’s Father Arrested for Posing as Officer. Ick. I hate typing out affluenza. But that’s why this is in the news, so here goes. Frederick Couch was arrested Tuesday after allegedly posing as a reserve officer at the scene of a disturbance call. Couch’s 16-year-old son, Ethan, killed four people while driving drunk last year. Couch the Elder apparently had a fake badge and ID card in his car. Seems like that household’s got a real lock on everything.

Weekend Storms Did Little to Help Lake Levels. “Overall, the district’s lakes are in considerably worse shape than a year ago.” Well, this is wildly reassuring.

Man Found Guilty in Plot to Kill Wife. “Attempted capital murder” is probably the scariest charge after “actual, real-deal capital murder.” A Denton County jury found John Howard guilty of just that Tuesday, after he hired someone to try and kill his wife. After trying unsuccessfully for years to find a hitman to kill his wife, he eventually found one. That person botched the effort, though, and Nancy Franklin survived.

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Mapped: Where Texas Senators John Cornyn and Ted Cruz Spend Their Time on the Road

A couple weeks ago, the Sunlight Foundation did what can only be described as the Lord’s work. It took every U.S. Senate expenditure and transformed it from a worthless PDF to a searchable, sortable spreadsheet. It has everything. Staff retreats, photographer sessions, the salaries of the seven barbers who cut taxpayer-subsidized hair. Everything.

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Leading Off (8/13/14)

“I’m Pissed Off at America,” Says Doug-e-stan Founder: Douglas LeGuin is sitting in jail, charged with seven counts of aggravated assault on a public servant. Those counts stem from his luring of police and fire officers to the North 40 Lane subdivision off Frankford Road, booby-trapping a house with propane, then shooting at the officers. “I seceded from the nation,” LeGuin told a police dispatcher. “This is Doug-e-stan right here.” All shooting and booby-trapping aside….Doug-e-stan? Doug. Come on. You could’ve even just used LeGuin, if you wanted to keep it familial. It would’ve sounded like a French colony. Now it’s just Doug-e-stan, which sounds like what Kevin James might’ve called his garage on King of Queens.

Weatherford Police Continue Search for Flag-burner: [Puts on deerstalker hat]: look for the kid with the NIИ logo Sharpied into his physics notebook, the one who’s got nothing else to do on a Monday night two days before school starts again. I don’t think we’re looking for a hardened criminal. [Removes deerstalker hat.]

Cowboys, Raiders Fight During Practice: Wait, I should’ve said “Cowboys, Raiders, and Random Fan Fight During Practice,” because, bizarrely, that’s what happened. The fight started when Cowboys cornerback Morris Claiborne tackled a Raiders player; there was supposed to be no tackling at the practice. Raiders players rushed to their teammate’s defense, and so did a fan. The fan hit Claiborne twice with his hand, and once with a helmet. A good joke: “Get that man a Cowboys jersey!!!!”

Pet Buffalo Shot to Death: Her name was Precious and she was beautiful and someone trudged 400 yards through the brush to shoot her. Teddy Roosevelt would not be pleased.

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Leading Off (8/6/14)

Dallas Man Pleads Guilty to Child Pornography Charges. For Second Time: Bye, Timothy Rinehart. See you never.

Toll Road Drivers to Get Refund: The North Texas Tollway Authority racked up $171,000 in incorrect charges stemming from a billing error on the new DFW Connector. More than 40,000 drivers were charged for using the road during a supposed free period. The NTTA will return the money.

Fort Worth Child Injured After Firing Gun: The kid is 4. Opposing Second Amendment camps: converge!

Lawmakers Still Skeptical of Fertilizer Regulations: The draft legislation is proposed by state Rep. Joe Pickett, a Democrat from El Paso, and it would create an advisory group to make recommendations to the Texas Department of Insurance. A previous version of the bill laid out specific rules for ammonium nitrate storage, and outlined penalties for facilities in non-compliance. According to the Tribune: “Those proposals drew strong resistance in April from some Republican members of the committee, who worried that new regulations and fines would put too many burdens on small businesses and local fire departments.” Quick idea: maybe you don’t house ammonium nitrate if you can’t properly ensure its safety and the safety of the community around it.

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Leading Off (7/30/14)

Jack Matthews May Redo Downtown Dallas High School: Trammell Crow Co. had planned on flipping the property currently best known as “Hey, what’s that crumbling-but-awesome building I see outside the DART car?” Seems like Jack Matthews—late of the Cedars boom—will now try his hand.

Conditions Worsen For Fort Worth Doctor Fighting Ebola: The latest out of Liberia is that Dr. Kent Brantly is now in grave condition, and his condition has worsened dramatically in the past 48 hours. Brantly spent four years at John Peter Smith Hospital before moving to West Africa to work for the international relief agency Samaritan’s Purse. The worst part of ebola.

The Oakland Raiders Could Move to San Antonio: Jerry Jones, not entirely happy!

Cedar Hill Man Deliberately Drives Car Through House: Scottey Davis was arguing with his wife, then decided the best course of action was to drive his car through their home. His wife was airlifted to surgery and is in serious condition. Davis was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

David Finfrock Gives First On-Air Fist Bump: Other breaking news Dallas media firsts on Tuesday: Zac, Tim, and I developed the concept for the NTFL, the National Tiny Football League.* It’s regular football, but played with a four-inch foam ball. Imagine the trickery. And the fumbles.

*- This is true.

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Sources: Mavs CEO Terdema Ussery Finalist for NBA Players Union Job

Dallas Mavericks CEO Terdema Ussery is a finalist for the National Basketball Players Association executive director position, according to reports. Ussery is up against trial attorney Michele Roberts and Information Technology Industry Council CEO Dean Garfield. The players are expected to vote this afternoon.

The spot was vacated by Billy Hunter, who was fired in 2013.

Ussery was the subject of our July issue’s city column and a 2011 D CEO feature.

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Leading Off (7/16/14)

Deion Sanders’ Prime Prep Faces Closure: According to the TEA, the school may be shut down due to four reasons. Surprisingly, none of them are “Prime Prep was founded by a football player who has no idea how to run a school.” It’s also fun to read these two (one, two) Deion tweets from the past two days, and wonder how one reconciles with the other.

Formerly Conjoined Twins Spend First Birthday at Home: The Ezell twins celebrated their first birthday together, 11 months after being separated and one month after leaving the hospital. This drew a collective “Cot damn, these kids are cute” when we saw the party photos.

Dead Bodies Found Inside Vacant Funeral Home: “I have some embalmed bodies back there, which ya’ll had seen them bring out,” said former funeral home owner Dondre’ Johnson. “They were already in the casket; already had a funeral [and] one was ready to go to Nairobi.” First rule of fibbing: make up something so specific that it has to be true. Nairobi? Perfect!

Cowboys to Release Kyle Orton: Frankly, I was worried about how he’d continue to balance his commitments to both the Cowboys and Workaholics, so this seems like a solid move for all parties involved.

 

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