Jerry Jones’ Suite At Final Four Had Something For Everyone To Hate

You can see a photo here of Jerry Jones and his invited guests, and get a sort of scouting report on what was going on inside. Not pictured are Papa John’s founder John Schnatter and Cowboys running back DeMarco Murray. It all adds up to a murderer’s row of potential irritants.

OK, so you have President Bill Clinton and President George W. Bush — something for both sides of the aisle. Or maybe you just hate the government in general, in which case you would be super stocked up on outrage. Beyond stocked up. Like, you’d have to get a government subsidy to ensure you stopped producing outrage.

So, that would be enough, right? But then, you also have Jerry, of course, and he drives even the most steadfast Cowboys fans crazy. ON TOP OF THAT, there is Tony Romo and Jason Garrett, either one of which (or both!) can be blamed for the Cowboys’ most recent struggles. (And also, they just finished up their national Killing Hope tour, wherein they jinxed both SMU and Duke.) Then, oh, man, then you have Schnatter, whose commercials in the past few years have turned him into one of the least liked people on the internet, finishing the job his not-great pizza started long before he showed up and started kick-punching everyone with his smarminess.

CBS could have just kept a camera on the box — and it almost did — and gotten pretty much the same viewership as the game, not to mention breaking Twitter beyond repair.

Anyway.