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The Dwaine Caraway Diet


Driving in to work this morning, I got to hear Councilman Dwaine Caraway on with the Morning Musers, who’ve recently taken a liking to the representative from District 4. Caraway talked mostly about his initiative to pry the plastic bags out of Glenn Hunter’s cold, dead hands. Caraway said the Council will vote on the matter next week.

But what I found more interesting was Caraway’s dietary habits. He told the Musers that he’d gone to the doctor yesterday and, seeing how much he weighs, is considering taping his mouth shut. That prompted the Musers to ask what Caraway ate yesterday. This is what’s so great about Caraway. If you ask him what he ate, he’ll tell you. He said he skipped breakfast. For lunch, he had a 9-ounce strip sirloin with sauteed spinach and mushrooms. Then, for dinner, he had a vodka and cranberry, and some beer nuts.

Councilman Caraway, I think I speak for all your constituents in District 4 and, in fact, for radio listeners all across North Texas when I beg you, sir, to eat more healthfully. Don’t skip breakfast. Maybe throw in some kale, some kind of ruffage, with those beer nuts. If Mike Rawlings decides not to run for a second term, we need you fit and ready to step into the office. Because no way is Rafael Anchia going to be that entertaining.