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Courtney Loves Dallas Episode 9 Recap

Courtney_Kerr3This week’s episode was titled “Courtney Loves Sunday Mornings,” and it features almost zero car chases. Shall we?

We open in Courtney’s apartment, where Courtney and Tori wake up in the living room. They are both fully dressed. Tori lies on the couch. Courtney is on the floor, using as a pillow a Taco Bell bag stuffed with Beefy 5-Layer Burrito wrappers. It is the Sunday morning following their heartwarming detente from Episode 8, and apparently the girls celebrated just a bit too aggressively. An attractive young man with a faux hawk and an SMU T-shirt emerges from the bedroom, bleary-eyed, scratching his bottom. “Alright, alright,” he says. “Really fun time last night, ladies. Hate to bolt on you, but I’m doing brunch with my bros at Ozona. I’ll text you.”

He leaves, and Courtney slowly crawls onto the couch with Tori. “I’m so, like, hung over,” Courtney says. “Like, last night is a total blur. What’s that movie where the guys all wake up and there’s, like, a tiger, and they can’t remember stuff?”

“Is it Taxi Driver?” Tori asks.

“What? No,” Courtney says. “It’s, like, a bachelor party or whatever. And they wake up and, like, have to go on a quest to, like, investigate what happened the night before.”

“Is it 12 Years a Slave?”

“No!”

“Oh, wait, wait,” Tori says. “You mean the movie where the best friends, like, drive to Vegas, and they steal Mike Tyson’s tiger and that naked Asian guy jumps out of a trunk?”

“Yes!”

“Nope. Don’t recall the title.”

The Bravo producers edit together a series of images of closeups of the two girls staring at each other, their eyes not only bloodshot but hollow, too, like they’ve witnessed the depravities of war and nothing matters anymore, not this hangover and not even the Instagram photos that the SMU boy surely posted from last night. Courtney goes to her closet and carefully chooses an outfit. It is an orange-and-blue camo-print tube top and leopard-print pants. “This outfit is like ‘I drank 14 cosmos last night, but I’m still, like, in this fashion world.’ It also says that my daddy left me when I was little.”

Cut to a montage of daytime Dallas cityscape shots. A tourist stands in the middle of Elm Street, in Dealey Plaza, having her picture taken while standing on the white “X” where JFK was shot in the head. A homeless man washes his feet in the reflecting pool in front of the Winspear. An aerial shot of 635 shows westbound traffic choked to one lane to accommodate construction.

Then we’re back in Courtney’s apartment. Tori and Courtney have not moved. They are still sitting on the couch, in silence, each lady staring at her phone. A knock comes at the door. It is a guy who works for the building, and he has a large box with him. “Hi,” he says. “It’s me. The guy who works for the fancy building you live in. I deliver the packages, and I have the Sony Bravia KDL-40V2500 flat-screen television that you ordered. Would you like me to install it?”

Courtney lets the guy into her apartment, and she pours three tumblers of champagne for herself, Tori, and the building guy, whose facility with a cordless drill and ability to follow the “getting started” section in the operating instructions are both compromised by the bubbly. “Is this, like, the first time you’ve ever drilled something?” Courtney asks, turning to Tori for a high-five that is not reciprocated. Then, as the building guy struggles through the installation process, Courtney tells him all about her jewelry collection at the Bauble Bar and how Matt Nordgren was the love of her life, even though they never slept together.

Courtney’s phone rings. It’s her mother calling to tell Courtney that she has been diagnosed with gastric colitis. “This, like, puts everything in perspective,” Courtney tells the Bravo camera. “I mean, like, you think your hangover is bad, and then this happens. My mom is everything to me. And that Sony Bravia KDL-40V2500 is bitchin!”

Cut back to Courtney on the couch with Tori. They are watching This Week, with George Stephanopoulos. “God, I can’t even believe they thought Christiane Amanpour could host this show,” Courtney says. “She was, like, like, awful. And her outfits were the worst. Okay, so tell me what this Trayvon Martin thing is all about again? I mean, I’ve been following the story but not, like, close. You know?”

Tori informs Courtney that she is leaving to meet Thais and Katie for some beers on a patio someplace. To the Bravo camera, she says, “I actually thought Christiane Amanpour did a good job. Sure, her numbers trailed Meet the Press and Face the Nation, but Queen Elizabeth II made her a commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, for God’s sake. People just needed time to get used to her accent.”

The episode ends with Courtney sitting alone in her apartment, two empty bottles of champagne at her feet. She affects a deep anchorman voice and slurs, “From NBC News in Washington, this is Meet the Press, with Courtney Kerr.” Then she tries it again, with a different delivery: “From NBC News in Washington [longer pause, hitting the next word hard], THIS is Meet the Press, with Courtney Kerr.” Then she picks up a mood board and says to herself, “Whatever happened to paisley? I miss paisley.”

In terms of narrative arc, it wasn’t the strongest episode.

  • RAB

    Uh, trying to fabricate a critique of a make-believe final episode didn’t quite work, did it? That’s because YOU CAN’T CONJURE UP STUPID CRAZY. You have to BE stupid and crazy, which you’re not.

    Suggestion: hire Courtney to write for D — but DON’T EDIT IT. I would read the shit out of that.

  • Stewart

    Tim Rogers’ blog this month shows why bloggers are undermining the ethics and quality of journalism and particularly D Magazine. I can’t say I am a fan of Courteny Loves Dallas, but I am a fan of Dr. Jeff Adelglass. A personal friend for 15 years and often my personal physician, he is one of the city’s best physicians, both an Ear Nose and Throat doctor as well as a plastic surgeon. He has treated my allergies for years with great results. He has always gone out of his way to help patients. I watched him take time on a Sunday afternoon to help a young girl who was in pain from an ear infection at no charge. Like other doctors, he has helped many people who are in need. A few of the most important charities in town have been helped by Dr. Adelglass and his team of professional care givers. Tim Rogers should be ashamed. He has trashed one of the best people in Dallas for no reason other than to make himself feel important, which he is not.

  • FoodPrick

    Tim, I really loved your post especially your depiction of Dr. Jeff Adelglass. Good doctor? Sure. But your blog? BETTER.

  • Dubious Brother

    Was I trapped in a time warp or is Stewart? It seems like the Adelglass episode was a few weeks ago.
    I too went to doctors for treatment of allergies for years until I started taking a teaspoon of local honey each morning. Now, no doctors and minimal allergy symptons. No charge.

  • Dallas Expat

    If I didn’t want to be mocked, i’d probably stay clear of being a guest on a reality TV show.

  • Anonymous

    When is the “Courtney Gets Cancelled” episode?