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Leading Off (1/28/14)

G.O.P. Lieutenant Governor Candidates Vow To Harvest Hydrocephalic Babies From Mostly Dead Mothers. Yes, Marlise Muñoz was brain dead. Sure, her fetus was horribly damaged. But at a debate yesterday, Jerry Patterson, Dan Patrick, Todd Staples, and David Dewhurst all agreed that a judge erred in allowing Muñoz’s family to take her off life support. Each candidate promised that, if elected, he would do what he could to change state law so brain-dead people are forced to give birth to badly deformed babies. Staples said, “[W]e need to make certain that as a society, we are protecting life.” Well, certain types of life. Fun fact: since Rick Perry has been in office, Texas has executed more than 260 people.

Lewisville Woman Needs Help With Huge Cyst. Sherilyn Hurdle has an ovarian cyst so big that it makes her look pregnant. Jerry Patterson, Dan Patrick, Todd Staples, and David Dewhurst all think that Hurdle should be forced to carry the cyst to term. But Hurdle — who is without work, has no insurance, and doesn’t qualify for Medicaid — would rather have surgery. For her report on Channel 8, Janet St. James came up with this beauty: “Hurdle has two sons she would dearly love to see grow up. Instead, what’s growing inside her gut is fear.” Nailed it!

UTA To Conduct Surgical Strikes on Low-Performing Students. Why else would the university ask for (and get) permission from the FAA to experiment with drones?