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Does Dan Branch’s New TV Ad Score a GOP Texas Primary Bingo?

Dan Branch, the Dark Knight of the Park Cities, is running to be elected attorney general of Texas. He just released his first TV campaign ad ahead of the March 4 GOP primary, and it’s full (as you’d expect) of typical conservative tropes.

But does he do enough to win a game of Texas GOP Bingo? Let’s break it down:

Every true Texas family has the Lone Star hanging on their front porch.
Every true Texas family has the Lone Star hanging on their front porch.
The White House photographed as though it's lost footage from the Zapruder film.
The White House photographed as though it’s from lost footage of the Zapruder film.
Strong anti-littering message
Strong anti-littering message
Sleeves rolled up, ready for work.
Sleeves rolled up, ready for work.
Saint Ronald. Doesn't the picture of George H.W. Bush to his left bear a passing resemblance to Dan Branch?
Saint Ronald. Doesn’t the picture of George H.W. Bush on the left bear a passing resemblance to Dan Branch?
Washington may be a hellhole, but God bless America.
Washington may be a hellhole, but God bless America.
You've got pray just to make it today.
You’ve got pray just to make it today.
The requisite dead animal to demonstrate 2nd Amendment bona fides.
The requisite dead animal to demonstrate 2nd Amendment bona fides.
He's a fighter.
He’s a fighter.

All right. Strong effort, but where’s that get him?

Dan-Branch-GOP-Ad-bingo

Ooh, so close on multiple fronts. He just needed a bit more outdoorsy, western, wide-open-spaces, hay-baling imagery. Maybe next time.

  • Jackson

    You can bet Dan’s “tough on crime” theme will come in due course. Even though the AG has no role in fighting crime (the state Constitution vests that power in District and County Attorneys), there’s never been a candidate for the job who hasn’t run at least one ad featuring a cell door clanging shut. Far from sui generis, these silly spots are de rigueur, as a lawyer might say.

  • RAB

    You missed a couple of squares. He nails the Family Values square with the shot of him holding hands with his wife and daughter at a traditional dining room table. (Contrast that with an alternative towel snapping scene with two guys in mustaches in a steamy locker room. That would be NOT family values.) Plus, if you think camo and a gimme cap ain’t Western Wear, then you clearly haven’t driven around east Texas in a pickup. Also, crouching down while holding a gun and smiling over a brown carcass is dog whistle frequency for hang ’em high AND don’t trespass across our borders, Jose. Bingo three ways!

  • Bill Marvel

    Just caught his TV add. Says he sponsored the Texas “Moment of Silence” Law.
    THAT gets my vote. I’d give anything for a moment of silence.

  • brewerygirl1

    I’m sickened by animal killing, guns, nonsense politics, and the silly smirk on Dan’s face.

  • Larry Linn

    More illegal aliens have been deported under the Obama administration, than any previous administration. Why don’t the candidates attempt to work with ICE instead of duplicating the efforts?

    http://www.statisticbrain.com/number-of-u-s-deportations/

  • Sarah Squires

    Missing the Western Wear was a big miss. He made up for that blunder though with the family outing to shoot Bambi and then huge points for prayer at the dinner table before eating Bambi brisket. The family kill it and grill it then pray over it should count as an x in the “traditional marriage” box.

    I saw this ad tonight and didn’t know whether I was catching a rerun of Saturday Night Live or it was a serious ad.