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Why Florida Beats Texas: A Memo to Sean Hannity

This could be your life in Florida.
This could be your life in Florida.

Mr. Hannity,

We understand that you’ve had enough of tax-and-spend liberal New York. Bully for you. We’ve heard that you’re eyeing either Texas or Florida for your big move, and that you might even run for office in your new home state.

We’d like to help you decide which side of this fork in the road to take. Consider:

1. Florida is a swing state, whereas Texas should stay reliably red at least for the next couple national election cycles. They need your vote more.

2. Glenn Beck, Rick Perry, and Louie Gohmert don’t live in Florida. There might not be enough oxygen for all of you bloviating inspiring the conservative cause in the Lone Star State.

3. In Florida, psychopaths blend right in.