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What Makes the Texas Rangers Mascot so Creepy

The horror that is Captain.
The horror that is Captain.

Prompted by yesterday’s introduction of the Chicago Cubs new pants-less mascot, Grant Brisbee over at SB Nation decided to declare the five creepiest mascots in Major League Baseball. The Texas Rangers’ horse-man, Captain, made the list, and Brisbee summed up well just what’s so wrong about this abomination that roams the ballpark:

An unspoken horror of mascots is that their mouths are always agape. Stare at people with your mouth closed, and they’ll feel uncomfortable. Stare at people with your mouth open, and they’ll call the cops. No mascot, though, employs the horrible open mouth to better effect than any other mascot in baseball …

There’s probably a reverse-Godfather component to Rangers Captain freaking me out, too, like he’s going to wake up in bed with Nolan Ryan’s severed head.

But he doesn’t have crazy eyes like the Cowboys’ Rowdy, or disturbingly discolored skin-tones like the Mavericks’ Champ and Mavs Man.

I’m pretty sure Mavs Man is the one I’d least like to find looming at the end of my bed in the middle of the night.

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