Find a back issue

Leading Off (8/15/13)

Top Supporters of Rick Perry Create Nonprofit To Promote His Ideas Nationally. One of the supporters who has started Americans for Economic Freedom is local rich fella Brint Ryan. Perry is testing the waters for another presidential run. And by “testing the waters,” I of course mean “waiting until it’s not insanely early to announce he’s running.” I didn’t read all of that story, but I assume the ideas they are promoting mostly revolve around limited government and the proper serving temperature of Chardonnay.

Frederick Lee Davis Added to State’s List of 10 Most-Wanted Fugitives. He’s 24, a member of the Crips, and has done a bunch of bad things. Obviously. A number of them involve tattoos. He has a clown on his chest and a Smurf on his left arm, so apparently the DPS should be looking for him somewhere around South Padre during Spring Break. But, no, seriously, guys, he looks like a pretty tough customer.

FERAL HOG INVASION. Mayor Rawlings stares down at his desk. Finally, he raises his eyes to the ceiling and sighs. “Dammit,” he mutters under his breath, picking up his phone. His crooked, ex-offensive tackle fingers stab at the numbers, pausing before hitting send. “Get me Columbia Packing Company,” he says. “You heard me. Yes, I — what? No. Just do it! I know what I said, but we need the pig blood people.” He ends the call and drops the phone onto the empty box of a personal pan pizza. “May God have mercy on us all.”

Rangers Come Back To Win Another Game I Didn’t Watch. It was against the Brewers and they won, let’s see here, yes, 5-4. They are in first place? Yes. First.

  • Alternate ending

    Feral hog makes for fine sausage. Sausage makes for fine pizza. This city is overflowing with pig hunting chefs. We don’t need meat packers! We need a feral hog sausage pizza chef driven restaurant. It will get 5 stars for sure.

  • Mike Truscott

    No pics of Frederick Lee Davis’ tats?

  • Harley Crimson

    Feral hogs and Rick Perry sure make fer sum fine readin’.

  • DGirl

    I think we have enough nationally promoted bad ideas, that’s what Kardashians are for.