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Brief Responses to Some of Houstonia’s Reasons Why Houston Is Better Than Dallas

I do dig their illustration of an artificial heart enjoying a refreshing frozen margarita.
I do dig Houstonia’s illustration of an artificial heart enjoying a refreshing frozen margarita.

That Dallas vs. Houston article in the August issue of Houstonia magazine, which we’ve already given plenty of attention on this blog,  has finally been posted.  First off, I love the way their online team presented the piece, all social-media-friendly and stuff.

Most of the reasons are good-natured ribbing of our city. Many of them utterly meritless (“Dallas has to be told what’s cool. Houston’s never cared in the first place.”). Some of them, unfortunately — well, maybe they make a decent point or two. If I weren’t employed by the city magazine of Dallas, I might even list those here.

But I am employed by the city magazine of Dallas, so I’m going to be a fierce loyalist and just respond to some of their stranger claims.

Lee Greenwood blessed Houston in “God Bless the USA” but was suspiciously silent on the subject of Dallas.

Yes, but “God Bless the USA” is without a doubt the worst patriotic song ever written. Dallas is better off for its exclusion.

TEXAS RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL > MEDIEVAL TIMES

That’s an apples-to-oranges comparison. Texas Renaissance Festival should be compared to our own local Scarborough Renaissance Festival, not to some restaurant. But Houstonia probably knows Scarborough is superior.

They never get those classic Gulf breezes. Nor the humidity that keeps one’s skin young.

And I thought I was joking when I wrote the other day how they’d tout the benefits of humidity.

Also based in Dallas: Frito Lay, 7-Eleven, and Dr Pepper Snapple.

Yes, home to the joyful experiences that are Fritos, Slurpees, and Dr Pepper. Their point?

Minute Maid blows earth crater Rangers Stadium out of the water.

Umm, it’s called Rangers Ballpark, and that name is refreshingly free of corporate sponsorship. What is it they used to call that Astros’ stadium? Enron Field, wasn’t it?  (But OK, we wish the Rangers had air conditioning and were downtown too.)

Office Space’s corporate purgatory? Filmed in the Dallas ’burbs.

Not true. Initech was in Austin.

D MAGAZINE’S MOTTO—“MAKING DALLAS EVEN BETTER”— NECESSITATES AN INTELLECTUAL LEAP, I.E., THAT THE PLACE WAS ANY GOOD TO BEGIN WITH.

Now they’re just getting silly.

  • Senor

    The only thing Minute Maid Park has going for it is its location. With the roof closed (and it nearly always is), it gets so humid in there that it’s comparable to a day game in August at the Ballpark (slight exaggeration, but not far off). Plus, the food there sucks. Oh, and the Astros play there.

  • JSSS

    “Office Space’s corporate purgatory? Filmed in the Dallas ’burbs. Not true. Initech was in Austin.” Um, kind of true. Office Space was filmed in both Austin and Dallas (well, Las Colinas really, but you can’t expect those nimrods from Houston to understand the difference).

  • Daniel

    Houston is way, way crappier than Dallas but a little more cosmopolitan. Everybody already knows this.

  • Brandon

    What is with this “rivalry”? I didn’t even know one existed?

    It always seems to be the one with the inferiority complex (i.e. Houston) that always brings up rivalries…

  • Senor

    Exactly. It’s the A&M – Texas one-sided rivalry thing.

  • dallasboiler

    I also love the cherry-picked selection of some of the comparisons. For example, inventing the artificial heart vs. the frozen margarita machine … wouldn’t the invention of the integrated circuit in Dallas be a better comparison?

    Another good one: Houston’s air pollution makes for prettier sunsets. I will cede the point on air pollution to them.

  • sooieeehog

    Re: Office Space, I think you’re coming from the wrong angle. Your own link concedes that part of Office Space was, in fact, filmed in the Dallas area. I would make the point that Office Space is a classic cult movie, and it’s a plus that it was filmed here. That’s like trashing Boca Raton by pointing out that Caddyshack was filmed there.

  • Jason Heid

    But their specific claim is that the “corporate purgatory” that the movie portrays is modeled on Dallas. I argue that since the office-park wasteland that included Initech HQ was not in Dallas, that is not the case.

  • Jackson

    Regarding the Mike Judge comedy Office Space, starring Jennifer Aniston: They shot in Austin in the late spring of 1998, yet you wouldn’t know it because there’s hardly a blue sky in the movie. Maybe a handful of scenes. Mostly it’s cloudy and looks like Seattle, but that’s not natural cloud cover. There were grass and forest fires in Mexico, 500 miles away, that spring and summer, and the air in half of Texas looked and smelled like a cigarette-filled basement bar, minus the jazz music. It lasted two months, and you barely saw the sun through the haze in the middle of the afternoon. It’s noticeable in many of the scenes in that movie.

  • sooieeehog

    OK, point taken. I still say any connection to that movie is greatness. And though the exterior shots of Initech were in fact filmed in Austin, there is plenty of office-park wasteland here (and in Houston, as far as that goes).

  • Some Dude

    http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/81818/rembert-explains-america-texas-forever

    I found it funny that this Grantland writer goes through Texas (Houston, Dallas, then westward), and the only thing he really brought up about Houston was his interaction with merchant selling food/drinks out of his pushcart.

  • Everlasting Phelps

    “Lee Greenwood blessed Houston in “God Bless the USA” but was suspiciously silent on the subject of Dallas.”

    Meh. Sir Mixalot Jumped On It with Dallas, not Houston.

    Welcome to the 2 1 4
    Big B, D Texas
    Let mr. sexes flex this lexus
    And this where the cowboys play
    They battle with my team from the bay
    Frisco
    Now I’m from the northwest
    But I likes my soul food
    So I’m calling up an old groove
    And I’m a brother with a gut
    So, hello Keema, can ya take us out to Pappadeaux,

  • Joe Bloh

    WHY DALLAS IS BETTER THAN HOUSTON :

    1: Dallas has BIG TEX

    2: Dallas has “THE” TEXAS STATE FAIR

    3: Dallas has “AMERICA’S TEAM”, The DALLAS COWBOYS

    4: Dallas has EVERY other SPORTS TEAMS (Including Roller Derby)

    5: Better WEATHER

    6: North Texas has the BEST HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL in Texas

    7: KLYDE WARREN Park

    8: BIGGEST SKYLINE , and the BEST & MOST BEAUTIFUL belongs to DALLAS.

    9: Better LIGHT RAIL SYSTEM (Biggest in the Nation)

    10: LESS CANCER victims from exposure to Oil (Houston has more Cancer facilities, because of it)

    11: Better NIGHT-LIFE

    12: Bigger & Better FREEWAY SYSTEM, better Commuting (BIGGEST Freeway System in the U.S.)

    13: Dallas is RICHER ! And SMARTER.

    14: Better, moreVIBRANT DOWNTOWN (and Getting Better)

    15: Home of the ❼-❶❶. (they are literally EVERYWHERE !)

    16: Dallas has LESS HATERS. (Houstonites continually hate-on Dallas, whilst Dallas Folk could care less about h-toon)

    17: Dallas’ core is MORE URBAN (Don’t believe the Stats; Majority of Dallas has a HUGE Greenway,
    which is uninhabited, as well as its Forest; Therefore, on PAPER, Houston is more Dense, but DALLAS ACTUALLY IS)

    18: The AFRICAN AMERICANS in Dallas are MORE EDUCATED;
    half of HOUSTON’s are ReLocated Katrina Victims.

    19: Dallas is LESS “GHETTO” , LESS “BLUE-COLLAR” and has LESS “RAPPERS”,
    but still has a STRONG ECONOMY.

    20: Dallas has FORT-WORTH, PLANO, IRVING, RICHARDSON, DENTON, FRISCO,
    CARROLLTON, DUNCANVILLE, ARLINGTON, GRAND PRAIRIE AND MESQUITE
    AS NEIGHBORS, IN A HUGE METROPLEX AND EVERYONE GETS-ALONG
    JUST FINE!

    DALLAS HAS THAT TEXAS HOSPITALITY.

    #❷❶ FACT: CHUCK-NORRIS LOVES DALLAS !

    #Dallas #DallasorHouston #betterskyline #chucknorris #dallastx #houstonordallas #dallasorhouston #whichisbetter