A Note From the D Magazine I.T. Department

Here at D Mag HQ we’ve been hit with some spam of late. Our I.T. support engineer, Matt Shelley, issued a company-wide memorandum warning people to be careful about opening attachments from unfamiliar senders. As a public service, I pass along his note:

Dear technologically in-touch staff members,

It has come to my attention (and the attention of my tech legions — yes, I have those) that several of you are receiving spam email today from tiffany.com that includes an attachment. This attachment has the word “invoice” in its name. As you may have read two sentences ago, this is spam. And, in an effort to educate you and fill your bright, high-functioning tech brains with some useful information regarding email dangers and common sense, here are some good spam guidelines to keep in mind.

1. If you don’t know the person, do not open the attachment.

2. No legitimate business will ever send you an attachment, i.e. jewelry stores you can’t afford, shipping companies, banks.

3. There is not some unidentifiable source holding onto invoices for you out there in the whirlwind of debt accumulation that you do not know about.

4. Do not succumb to fear.

5. You are not significant, but you are considered useful.

6. Do not eat meat at the airport.

7. Stay alive.

So, with all the love I can fit in my back pocket, I come to you pleading for hope. Do not open attachments if you do not know the person. Did you give your email to tiffany.com? Do they work on a “bill you later” agreement with customers?

Anyway you peel the potato, I am sorry if this somewhat smug and genuinely scornful email hurts your feelings. Those tiny, cuddled, and seemingly confused feelings of yours are important to me. Lastly, if you would like to work on some awareness exercises pertaining to email and general grifting tomfoolery, send me a letter.