Let’s Break Down Rangers’ Schedule by Promotions

Yu Darvish seems particularly well-suited to being transformed into a bobblehead.   Photo by Keith Allison/Flickr
Yu Darvish seems particularly well-suited to being transformed into a bobblehead. Photo by Keith Allison/Flickr

Some people decide which Rangers games to attend by looking at the opponents. I’m more interested in what kind of free or discounted stuff I can get. Promotions schedules are almost exclusively detailed in chronological order, but this subject-based breakdown should be more useful.

If you’re not worried about your waistline, scarf down dollar hot dogs at just about any Wednesday game: April 10, May 1, May 22, May 29, June 12, June 19, July 3, July 31, Aug. 14, Aug. 21, Sept. 11, or Sept. 25. The only exception is July 24, when the Yankees are in town, because Yankees fans must pay full price for their hot dogs.

If you need something to shield your bald spot from the sun, you can get a blue cap (June 16), a fedora (July 2), a camouflage cap (Aug. 20), a red batting helmet (April 7, only if you’re 13 or younger), or — get this — a wrestling mask (Aug. 17, 13 and younger).

If you’re OCD, you’ll probably want a magnetic schedule (April 5), a calendar (April 6), a yearbook (May 5), and an Adrian Beltre growth chart (June 2, 13 and younger).

If you like to get your drink on, you can pick up a set of cups and a pitcher (June 18) or a beer stein (Aug. 13).

If you sell bobbleheads on eBay, you can accumulate new stock that looks like Nolan Ryan (May 21) or Yu Darvish (June 11).

If you need a new T-shirt, you can get one featuring Yu Darvish (April 9), Adrian Beltre (April 21, 13 or younger), or Joe Nathan (May 19, 13 or younger).

And if you need something in which to carry all this loot, you have your choice of a drawstring backpack (July 23), a reusable bag (July 30), a gym bag (Aug. 18, 13 and younger), or a pillowcase (July 21, 13 and younger).