The Bachelor Picks Catherine. Sean Lowe made his choice last night on the season finale of The Bachelor. He picked Catherine. EW calls her “the vegan who loves the beef,” which must make life very difficult for her. If she loves beef — say, bone-in ribeye — but she can’t eat it because she’s a vegan, then every time she sees a bone-in ribeye — either at a restaurant or in a butcher’s meat case — it would feel like torture. Because she’d want to eat that beef. With her mouth.
Central Expressway To Be Renamed George W. Bush? State Rep. Dan Branch has introduced a bill to change the name of the highway — from Interstate 30 north to Park Lane — to the George W. Bush Expressway. As you might know, SMU is renaming a street Bush Avenue. And, of course, we’ve already got the President George Bush Turnpike. I like where this is headed. We should rename every street and road and avenue and highway in Dallas. Call them all George Bush. Except, obviously, Cesar Chavez Boulevard. That should be renamed Too Tall Jones Gardens.
Body Found in Carrollton Ditch. Next time you keep your mother up half the night worrying, and you don’t even think to call, when she says, “I was afraid you were dead in a ditch someplace,” just know that it does happen. Don’t roll your eyes at her. (Note: I debated whether to make this joke. I figured it was okay because the man’s body hasn’t been identified yet. So we don’t have to think of the body as a person, as someone’s son or maybe father or gastroenterologist. According to Plato’s Theory of Forms, there is, for example, an ideal chair, and all the chairs you encounter are just approximations of this ideal chair. Same with the body in the ditch, to my mind. It’s a concept, the ideal body in a ditch. Therefore, it’s acceptable material for a joke.)