Tarrant County Republican Party Raises Money By Selling Guns: Former presidential candidate Rick Santorum was the lead bidder for an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle at the party’s annual Lincoln Day Dinner, only to eventually be outbid by $500. The total cost was $7,500, which could probably land you about 15 semi-autos on the street, so: money well spent.
NorthPark Security Mistakenly Roughs Up Wrong Man: Last month, Tom O’Brien and Duong Hai To were enjoying a peaceful day of shopping at NorthPark. “Let’s get some Auntie Anne’s,” Tom likely said. “You know I don’t need that, especially after the holidays,” Duang replied, probably. (Laughter, clapping, freeze-frame of TomDuong high-fiving over the credits.) Medium story short, a store reported that a man had stolen a pair of sunglasses. When they reached the exit, Tom and Duong were detained by security guards, and handcuffed. Store employee: “Those weren’t the dudes.” Security guard: “Ehhh, let’s double-check.” (No sunglasses found, handcuffs stay on for some reason.) The two men intend to file suit.
Coach, Band Director Accused of Sexual Misconduct With Students: Hold up, two-for-one scumbag special. First, a Molina High coach was arrested for sexually assaulting a 17-year-old student. Second, a McKinney middle-school band director has resigned after allegations that he sent photos of his erect penis to a former student. Truly great work, fellas. On behalf of all men, THANKS.