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Making Dallas Even Better

Leading Off (2/7/13)

American Airlines-US Airways Merger Could Be Announced Next Week. It’s been in the works for a year. If all goes as planned, this will be the new uniform for the flight attendants of the combined airline.

7-Eleven Wonders Why It’s On Some NRA List. It’s a list that names groups, companies, and celebrities who endorse or support anti-gun positions (unless it was not a typo when I read this story and it really meant “ant-gun positions,” which, hey, awesome). 7-Eleven says it takes no postion at all, on guns or ant-guns or anything else. The thinking is it may have something to do with companies who don’t allow employees to carry weapons. Anyway, I have some ant gun questions. Actually, it’s more like one question, with several parts. If an enterprising sort were to create a gun small enough for an ant to use, and that person were to come up with a way for an ant to use that gun — I assume the trigger mechanism would have to be revamped to the point it would be unrecognizable as a trigger, at least as we currently know it — and if that ant had the mental capacity to use that tiny ant gun (I feel like the queen would have to be involved, at least in a giving-orders capacity, as ants, at least to my knowledge, are heavily task-oriented and don’t say boo unless the queen gives her say-so), and if this ant were to take this tiny ant gun and manage to properly aim it and then fire it at the intended target (let’s say for argument’s sake the target is me), could this ant kill me? I want to say no. I mean, the bullet would have to be really tiny, right? But if the ant knew where to aim, there has to be somewhere on the human body where even a really tiny bullet could do a lot of harm, no? Hm. I’m still going to say no, but just know that I’m really on the fence here, as far as this theoretical (for now) ant assassin goes.

Rick Carlisle Wins 500th Game. And the Mavs made up for a tough loss to Portland last week. Solid work, worthy of a bit of celebration.

It’s a Dog-Riding Monkey. Named Whiplash.

  • Lew Patton

    This is the worst Leading Off in the history of Leading Off’s.

  • Tim Rogers

    Zac, you’ve got it backward. An ant gun isn’t used by ants; it’s used ON ants. Just like an elephant gun is used to shoot elephants. An ant gun fits in human hand and shoots bullets designed to kill ants, which is to say 9mm hollow points.

  • Raul Hinojosa

    I’m a little sad that I read that whole ant-gun business.

  • Dan Koller

    Lew and Raul just made my list. Watch yourself, gentlemen.

  • mynameisbill

    So, now i’ll have to be keeping an eye out on ants, too! I’m moving to the moon with Gingrich. There aren’t any ants or ant-like creatures up there, right? Oh dang, they do have pigs in space…….i’m gonna have to go do some more research on this. I’ll type back at y’all later with what i’ve found.

  • Zac Crain

    Erroneous. I know — FOR A FACT — that I did one Leading Off where I gave up the keys to the commenters and didn’t post a single item, and another one — I think it was Mavs-related — wherein I posted only a single item, and barely typed anything about it. Tim called me “lazy.” I prefer “brave,” but whatever. Anyway, those are just two examples. I haven’t even gotten into the ones where Tim makes an ill-considered joke of a sexual nature. I feel like those also have to be taken into account.

    At any rate, I hope no one does come up with the ant gun I’ve described, and I hope that if they do, the ant gun actually can’t harm you too much, because you, sir, will be the least prepared of all of us.

  • Daniel

    An ant gun can be used to keep your mother’s sister or father’s sister in line, but not on the East Coast or in the South. There it would be an aunt gun — totally different animal.

  • Everlasting Phelps
  • Tim Rogers

    That’s genius. Then you could have an auntie gun. I am now definitely on an auntie gun crusade.

  • Lew Patton

    And to think, you actually get paid for this?

  • Lew Patton

    What? Are you Zac’s ant body guard now? Bring it…

  • Lew Patton

    Whoa!!!! Is it Auntie or Antay gun??? There is a difference..

  • Lew Patton

    People Newspapers???? Wow

  • Zac Crain


  • mynameisbill

    Your payment is in the joy that you bring to your readers. Except for Lew, of course. Unless, he’s a masochist???