That’s what I’ve gleaned from their DallasNews.com front page carousel announcing the Eagles’ hire of Chip Kelly. Sort-of a Choose Your Own Adventure response.
Door A: “Chip Kelly? Phhhesssshhhhh who cares.”
Door B: “HEAD FOR THE HILLS, CHIP KELLY’S IN TOWN.”
Door C: “You tell us what door you’d like to pick.”
But which Mike Rawlings will appear on the show? Mayor Mike? Citizen Mike? The extremely exclusive Respondent Mike? I’ll be honest: even after looking at the script, from one of the early episodes of the reboot’s second season, I’m not quite sure. Maybe you can figure it out.
Up until 5 p.m. Tuesday, University Park was a festering trough of human excrement, the final holdout in a century-long battle against indoor plumbing. It’s the reason the parks are in such great shape.Â With one vote, though, that all changed.
Public urination and defecation are now illegal in University Park, which is strange to write because how was that not a thing already? The city’s never had it on the books, Park Cities PeopleÂ reporter Sarah BennettÂ writes, instead handing out citations for indecent exposure or disorderly conduct. Neither of those really fit though, since indecent exposure requires “intent to arouse” and disorderly conduct required that a cop actually see an exposed body part.
“Officers are confused with the proper offense to charge them,” UP Police Chief Gary Adams said. “In order to charge, all elements of the crime have to be present.”
Urinators andÂ defecatorsÂ can now be charged up to $500 for their indiscretions.
(To read Bennett’s piece, pick up this week’s Park Cities People)
In the video above, you’ll recognize some of the faces (Hi Dirk!), maybe a voice (that’s Sean Bass?), and put faces to some of the bylines you see in the local music press. But what you won’t get is any info about who’s playing the next KXT Summer Cut concert. That’s the joke, of course. It’s cute. D’s music guru Christopher Mosley has the best line in the whole thing.
More European luxury brands are targeting Dallas’ monied set, and Tuesday night proved it. At NorthPark Center, the president and CEO of Swiss luxury watch company Omega, Stephen Urquhart, snipped the ribbon on a 1,300-square-foot Omega Boutique there, the brand’s first in North Texas. Later he hosted a private dinner at Abacus for the North Texas Food Bank, Omega’s local charity of choice. “Dallas is a very upscale market,” Urquhart said. Houston already has an Omega Boutique and San Antonio may get one by June, he added.
Over at Highland Park Village, meantime, top executives from the German-based Oetker Collection, which owns and manages luxury hotels, were chatting up the properties at a reception for travel agents in the Champagne Room at Lounge 31. This is the first time the Oetker brass has descended en masse on Dallas, the company’s Alain Briere said. They screened photos of swank getaways like L’Apogee Courchevel in the French Alps–it will open in November–and Palais Namaskar in Marrakech, Morocco, which offers guests a private jet service.
With the European economy in the throes of a double-dip recession, there’s no doubt that to these European companies, folks with dough in the Dallas, Texas, market are looking pretty darn good.
It was a difficult task, narrowing the hundreds of dogs nominated to participate in our Survival of the Cutest tournament (remember, you can vote once a day for your favorites) down to just 32 competitors.
I learned a lot about dog owners by looking through the thousands of photographs that we received for consideration.
1) A lot of people love to dress up their dogs, especially in tuxedos for some reason.
2) A lot of people like to refer to their dogs as their “children.”
3) A lot of people in Dallas have bulldogs. Or, at the least, a lot of people in Dallas inclined to enter their dogs in a cutest pet competition have bulldogs.
Of the 605 dogs entered, 53 of them were bulldogs. And when it comes to bulldogs, the people of North Texas are still subjects of the yoke of colonialism. Only six of those 53 bulldogs are American. Twenty-four of them are English, and 23 are French. (Two bulldogs made the tournament field: London and Topaz.)
The other most popular breeds, with the number ofÂ Survival of the Cutest entries received for each: (more…)
On Monday, Zac posted a transcript of Lance Armstrong’s interview with Oprah. At least one person shared it on Facebook because she thought it was the real deal. You, though, were savvy enough to realize it was a joke. Today, BuzzFeed posted the same joke (a pale version of it).
Zac Crain invented the bogus transcript. D Magazine trademarked the concept in 1985. BuzzFeed is now in violation of that trademark. By end of business today, I expect a retraction and a full apology.
This is Dallas-related insomuch as it’s America-related, safety-related, and intelligence-related, so I’m posting it. At a noon news conference, President Barack ObamaÂ announced plans to introduce legislation next week that includes a ban on assault weapons, magazine capacity limits, Â and expanded background checks for gun purchases, the New York Times reports.
“In the days ahead, I intend to use whatever weight this office holds to make them a reality,” he said, according to the newspaper. “If there’s even one life that can be saved, then we’ve got an obligation to try.”
Below is a letter/presentation Obama and his staff prepared. Read it over, let us know what you think:
Dear Dallas, I’m back. Thank you for welcoming me home with icy grounds and a giant traffic jam on my way to work. One-armed side hugs, Liz. Thanks to Iris for pinch-hitting so I could gallivant elsewhere for a few days.
Do you want to hear two people argue in a sort of intense dark way surrounded by music? Stand on the Canal Street subway platform at one in the morning with me, my best friend Pam, and some sort of troubadour. Or go see Old, at the Ochre House, which I’m recommending for a Wednesday evening since that theater is small–40 seats, give or take–and if you like your personal space avoiding the weekends is the better call. Matthew Posey’s latest draws inspiration from Shut Up, Little Man!, the true-life audio recordings of argumentative alcoholics Raymond and Pete. Our critic, Lindsey Wilson, reviewed the Vaudeville-inspired show for us over on FrontRow, saying that while some bits are hit or miss, there’s still something there worth checking out for yourself.
As an aside, as soon as my plane landed yesterday, my brain, my heart, and my heart started singing tacos, tacos, tacos. The Meridian Room’s tacos are not the best tacos in the world. But they are still meats in corn tortilla, and so close to the Ochre House, it’d be ridiculous not to grab dinner and drinks there first.
I’m in mighty #Midland today. Earlier it was about 25 degrees. Whatever happened to global warming?
— Greg Abbott (@GregAbbott_TX) January 16, 2013
Despite the fact that – thanks to Zac – everyone already knows what Lance Armstrong will tell Oprah Winfrey tomorrow night, television shows dedicated copious amounts of time yesterday to the revelation that yes, Lance Armstrong doped. Some foul language.
And that’s why I am posting it. Also, because it’s funny. That is the other reason.
Joey Dauben, the young, former publisher of the Freedom of the Press Group, was sentenced Monday to three 10-year sentences for the sexual assault of a child, charges stemming from a 2007 incident. The encounter occurredÂ with a 14-year-old boy during a church retreat atÂ Navarro Mills Reservoir, 60 miles south of Dallas, the Corsicana Daily Sun reported.
We wrote a story on Dauben back in April 2011, when he was an upstart publisher launching community newspapers. A Jan. 22 hearing will decide whether Dauben will serve the sentences concurrently – meaning he could be out in as few as five years — orÂ consecutively, which would keep him in jail for at least 15 years.
Elderly Man Stabbed Friend. The only motive for the stabbing of 73-year-old Harrell Griesenbeck was that he “put a flower on” his friend’s door and was wearing a red hat. The friend, 68-year-old Joe Silva, confessed to the stabbing, but it made little sense to friends and family.
Frisco Restaurant Owner Causes Damage, Then Leaves. Residents in Frisco are asking people to boycott Ernest Ianace’s restaurants because of an incident that occurred on New Year’s Day. Ianace allegedly hit several cars and a fire hydrant, got out of his car, and said, “I can’t be here when the police arrive,” and left. Sources say he told them his insurance would cover all the damages, but nothing has been done a month later. So they’re asking for a boycott of Ianace’s restaurants.
NBC To Consider Show Starring Jessica Simpson as Herself. So. Yeah. That’s happening.
Man Without Hands Creates Art. Read thisÂ and have a great Wednesday.