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The Observer Has Some Ideas For Our New TV Station, and They Aren’t Half-Bad

Yesterday we announced that we were creating/partnering up for/branding a TV station. The Observer took that as an opportunity to dream up some of our programming, which is a great idea because I considered doing it yesterday then figured they’d probably do it anyway and it would be funnier.

Some of their ideas:

Simek’s Survival: D Magazine Arts Critic Peter Simek becomes an unlikely candidate for wildlife exploration as he is dropped into nature’s depths and forced to fight his way out. Will his delicate aesthetic sensibilities and shiny loafers protect him from rattlesnakes, bear attacks and the sinister world of poisonous plants? Tune in on Tuesdays, at 1:30 p.m., to find out that they won’t.

This, I would watch. Peter’s Long Island upbringing is sure to be an asset when dealing with snakes.

Male Grooming with Mike Mooney: (Running time: 24 seconds.)

I envision some sort of D Moms crossover where Mooney learns the difference between shampoo and conditioner.

Most Beautiful Women vs. Best Doctors: A Real World-Road Rules-style competition reality show, shot on location in exotic locales like Garland and that one parking deck on Main Street that’s always empty.

As long as The Miz is involved.

There’s also one about Wick, which I’ll politely leave alone.