This is just a warning/reminder to check back in at some point this week. Zac will have live, up-to-the-minute Photoshops (MS Paints, really), color commentary, and Chuck Norris quotes. Chill the chard.
The show’s on tomorrow morning, from 6-8 a.m.
Last week, I posted a piece about ex-Cowboy Martellus Bennett’s ego. It was technically a story about how Bennett caught a fan who fell out of the stands, but slid into a story about how awesome Awesome Martellus “Awesome” Bennett is. Anyway, after I posted it, a fella by the name of Tom reached out to me. Tom runs the YouTube site The NOC, and he created the above animated video with Bennett. It includes such phrases as:
“Stuck my arms up like Atlas”
“I’ve always been a Black Unicorn because I’m 50 percent black, and 50 percent amazing”
“One guy had a Rudolph Reindeer nose”
In our December issue, for our little jokes page we call The Ender, Zac asked local notables to name the biggest animal they could kill with their bare hands. The resulting article we titled “How To Kill a Manatee,” on account of Gordon Keith said he could kill a manatee. Here’s how he said he’d do it:
Although the West Indian manatee can reach a weight of 1,300 pounds, it’s 1,300 pounds of stupid and lethargy. A manatee only has sex once every two years, and, although that beats my average by four months, I understand him. It’s easy to kill an animal that barely has the will to live. Some animals will fight back. They have a look in their eye that says, “I will rip out your trachea if you approach my afterbirth one more time.” Not the manatee. The most menacing look a manatee can muster is the one where he wants to read you a bedtime story. So I would speak in sweet tones to the manatee and convince him to beach himself. Then I would rest a bare but comforting hand on the nape of his neck folds and set about reading him Goodnight Moon until he dried out like Creek Bed E.T. I would hate myself for this, but that’s what beer is for.
Check out the rest of the piece to see what answer Gina Miller, Rhett Miller, Robert Jeffress, and others gave. Anyway, at least one reader, Carol Pool, did not enjoy December’s Ender. Today we received the following letter from her. In the interest of time, I have not edited it:
I was appalled and offended by the article!. If this was intended to be funny I do not see the humor in promoting animal abuse in graphic detail. Really, even threatening small dogs? The manatee is near extension as well as many of the animals written about in the article thanks to man’s unkindness. If Zac Crain has anger management issues or some Â other psychological problem then he should seek professional help instead of encouraging people to lash out at helpless, defenseless animals. I am glad my subscription is up this month I will not be renewing or will I ever read another copy of “D”. I imagine anyone who is a friend of animals or is normal would not be reading you magazine ever again either. You have lost site of the intent of you magazine. This type of hate towards animals is not representative of Dallas. Both the author and the editor who allowed this article to be published should be fired! I am frightened by all the people who were quoted and hope they all get the professional help they need to deal with their anger and hate! I hope the police are watching all of you since animal abuse is against the law!!!
A few months ago, before I took this position, I interviewed Jane Bryant, who owns a crumbling apartment building off Davis Street in Oak Cliff. The conceit was this: Lee Harvey Oswald used to live there, the city wanted it torn down due to its condition. The city won, sort-of – read some of the saga here – so Bryant is selling off the building piece by piece.
She told me she was going to do this back in October, so I’d been updating eBay recently, looking for the goods. She already sold someÂ floorboards, and she’s in the market to unload some bannisters andÂ medicineÂ cabinets.
The coup d’gross, though, is the bathtub. The description:
LEE HARVEY OSWALD BATHED HERE! Original 1925 cast iron bathtub from historic unit #2 at 600 (602-604) Elsbeth, Dallas, Texas, listed in the Warren Commission.Â Oswald lived there from November 1962 to March 1963 with wife Marina and baby daughter.Â Building to be demolished November 2012!Â To view property contact 214-577-7119.Â Buyer responsibleÂ for arrangingÂ and paying for shipping separately.
If that’s the kind of thing you enjoy – bathing in the tubs of presidential assassins– the opening bid is $235. No bids have been placed.
I’ve already gotten a few emails that read something like, “I am so excited for William and Kate’s baby! Yay!” Obviously this is great news for everyone who has nothing to do with the royal relationship and yet, has been waiting for this moment their entire lives. Mazel tov. Meanwhile, the New York Times is looking for 30 more buyouts and we’re saying goodbyeee to News Corps’ iPad newspaper The Daily. Basically what I’m saying is, let’s not get too happy, people.
Tonight you can toast to the royal baby at the Texas Theatre’s bar, where aspiring nonprofit Revolutionary Pants is hosting a fundraiser for their 501(c)3 application. Remember the Living Plaza at City Hall? That’s Revolutionary Pants, self-described as “an urban laboratory for creating community and reimagining the human habitat.” They’re also responsible for the “Say Something Nice” Ice Cream Stage for Park(ing) Day and Chalk-tober Fest in October. They’d like to continue putting on events come 2013, and have already completed a successful CrowdTilt campaign to fund their quest for nonprofit status. The fundraising cherry on top is this evening, with a concert from local jazz group Yells At Eels and do-gooding in your heart. Tickets are $25 at the door. And it is Monday, so keep in mind that a lot of restaurants, including my personal favorite, Mesa, are closed. Check our excellent directory for other ideas, but I like BEE Enchiladeria.
Also this evening, the Fort Worth Symphony Orchestra and the Southwestern Seminary Master Chorale are offering you a one-night-only chance to hear Handel’s Messiah. This particular masterwork was the subject of FrontRow’s classical critic Wayne Lee Gay’s recent column. He asks us if we should hate the tiresome ritual of it, trotted out at Christmastime year after year. He makes good arguments for both sides, but it’s music that doesn’t ever get old for me. The chorus still gives me chills, though I agree with him about the obligatory standing and bungling of chairs sometimes ruining the majesty.
For more to do tonight, go here.
Earlier today, Peter posted about DMX, the Dallas Museum of Art’s new cultural exchange program. Cliffs Notes:
…as part of the agreement to return theÂ OrpheusÂ mosaic, Turkey and the DMA announced the establishment of a new collaboration that will promote the loaning of art and the sharing ofÂ expertiseÂ in conservation, exhibitions, education, and new media. That agreement marks the first formal collaboration in the DMA’s new DMX program, which will seek partnerships between the Dallas museum and international cultural institutions.
This worked out really well for me, since I had just asked Peter and Zac, “Does DMX have any connection to Dallas?” I, of course, meant Earl Simmons, the Yonkers rapper known better as DMX. Anyway, to get yourselves in the holiday spirit, watch the above video. It’s surprisingly safe for work, which is probably the only time that expression will ever apply to DMX (the rapper).
Big news this morning. D Magazine Partners (the magazine’s parent company) and London Broadcasting have announced a partnership that should make the local television landscape look a little more interesting. London, a local firm, owns a unique property called KTXD, which I’m told is the only station of its type in the country. It is an independent, must-carry station in a major media market. That means it is not beholden to a network like CBS or NBC, and the FCC requires that local cable providers carry it. Right now, KTXD broadcasts a lot of old classics (Batman, Bonanza, The Bob Newhart Show), but it plans to transition to all local programming. That’s where we come in. The station will rebrand itself as D-TV one show at a time. For example, Kimberly Schlegel Whitman has a show on the station called Texas Living. Pow! Come January 7, it’ll be called D Living. Zac will have a standing segment on the show wherein he’ll mumble about throwback sneakers and pearl snap shirts. I’m just kidding. Or am I?
Here’s the full and official press release:
The board of Dallas-based Oncor recently authorized a $17 million payment to its CEO, Robert Shapard, and three other execs are receiving payments of more than $2.7 million apiece, the Texas Tribune reported this morning. The approval for the bonuses was filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission on Nov. 21, the day before Thanksgiving.Â Consumer advocates were not pleased.Â The company’s performance does “not in any way justify bonuses,” Tom “Smitty” Smith, Texas director for Public Citizen, told the Tribune. The bonuses come on the heels of the company’s recent $5-a-month add-on forÂ its construction of wind-power transmission lines built acrossÂ Texas, and the installation of smart meters, which will cost consumers $2.19 a month for the next 10 years.
I will say it again: Steve Blow is an embarrassment to our city. I want you to imagine a well-educated, talented 26-year-old who is trying to decide where she wants to live. Could be a lawyer or a doctor or a writer or an urban planner. She comes to Dallas for a job interview. (God only knows what sort of job interview a writer might have, but just go with me here. Willing suspension of disbelief.) She has dinner in Bishop Arts, she checks out Klyde Warren Park, she has a swim through the Perot, and she thinks, “Wow, Dallas really has a lot going on. This feels like a world-class city.” And then she picks up the newspaper. She reads Steve Blow’s nomination for Texan of the Year, which is Big Tex. I won’t quibble with the choice. Heck, Gordon Keith nominated himself for Texan of the Year. It’s the cornpone execution that drives me nervous. It’s the fact that he’s joking about the nomination — but not really. The thing lies behind a paywall (because gold like this must be protected, don’t you know), so I can’t show you the entire column. But following are some excerpts. Imagine our talented 26-year-old reading this as she tries to decide whether she should live in Dallas or, say, Washington, D.C., where they publish a newspaper that delivers actual writing in fully formed paragraphs.
As Cowboys fans cling to their somehow-still-possible playoff chances, a new report released today shows how many of the current Cowboys could end up depressed, unable to recognize their own spouses, and unable to remember beating the Philadelphia Eagles. The Boston University study – and its related report in Brain magazine – found that ofÂ brain tissue collected from 85 people with a history of repetitive head trauma (military veterans, boxers, and football and hockey players) 68 samples were found to have chronic traumatic encephalopathy – a degenerative brain disorder linked to memory loss, depression and dementia.
Previously, CTE had been found in 18 of the 19 former NFL players whose brains were examined.Â The 15 new cases in the BU study mean that of the 34 brains of former NFL players that have been examined, 33 had the disease.Â Linemen made up 40 percent of those cases, supporting research that suggests repetitive head trauma occurring on every play – not concussions associated with violent collisions – may be the biggest risk. BU also reported CTE in four former NHL players.
Football will never cease in Texas, and that’s understandable. It’s a tent-pole, something that creates new communities and sustains old ones. Before you make up your mind about it – or the proven damage it inflicts on the minds of adults – see what it does to the minds of children, in Patrick’s Hruby’s piece “End Game: Brain Trauma And The Future Of Youth Football In America.” Pull:
Football has a problem. The game harms the human brain. (more…)
As Jason said last week, the vertical orientation is the “scourge of our time.” Other than that, though, pretty neat video.
Crowne Plaza Hotel Burns: The 22-story Crowne Plaza Hotel, in the running for ugliest building in downtown Dallas, was evacuated Saturday after a fire broke out in a stairwell. One guest was transported to a hospital with burns and several were treated for smoke inhalation. The cause is still under investigation.
Fort Worth Police Chief of Staff Arrested for DWI: Paul Henderson is familiar with the problem of cops drinking and getting into trouble off the job. The Fort Worth Police chief of staff had to deal with a string of incidents involving Fort Worth Police officers back in 2010. On Saturday, Henderson himself was arrested on suspicion of DWI.
Golfing In South Dallas, Or With Presidents: The Dallas Morning News editorial board likes the plan to build a golf courseÂ in South Dallas. Former Dallas mayor Ron Kirk likes golfÂ too, particularly when his foursome includes Presidents Obama and Clinton.
Sports Bits: Romo Breaks Cowboys TD Record, Cotton Bowl Lineup a Good One: Last night the supposedly “average at best” Tony Romo threw three touchdown passes to break Troy Aikman’s record for most touchdown passes by a Cowboys quarterback. Also over the weekend, thanks to Northern Illinois, the Cotton Bowl will feature the intriguing face-off between Oklahoma and Texas A&M.