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CW33 Nightcap Reveals Giant Headless Obese People Inside Downtown Dallas Buildings

This CW33 reporter may hope to inspire a new cult of personality around himself.

I’d read mention that CW33 recently overhauled its 9 p.m. newscast, moving from a more traditional format to a version full of the sort of irreverent attitude towards current events and fun-loving hijinks that are so popular with the youngsters these days. The program is called Nightcap, and Uncle Barky called its first show, broadcast Nov. 1, wildly inconsistent and messy:

One got the feeling this would be an entirely different animal when an opening rundown of the show’s activities made an “Oh Lancie Poo” reference to embattled biker Lance Armstrong.

There was also, apparently, a “reporter” posing for sexy pictures with fish sticks.

The ratings have not been strong so far, but then again, the station wasn’t getting good ratings for its old newscast. Ed Bark gives them credit for trying something different, and he actually liked some of the segments. But, based on one of their reports from last night, they still look a little lost.

The report (see video here) is about how some obese people may not be to blame for their own extra weight because they suffer from sleep apnea. Apparently they decided that the visuals of talking to an overweight man in his backyard and as he took a walk down his street weren’t exciting enough for their hip new mission. I won’t argue that point, but this is their solution?

First off, reporter Barry Carpenter tells us that a person’s obesity might not be his fault. For some reason he does this as his image is projected on the side of Chase Tower at Ross and Pearl (see image at top of post). Are we headed for a 1984 metaphor?  2100 Ross Avenue is cast in the role of headless fat man, and Museum Tower plays the part of overweight fellow out for a leisurely stroll.

He seems undisturbed by the horrifying sight just behind him.

Next, Carpenter pays a visit to Tootsie’s Cafe on St. Paul Street. I’ve walked by this place hundreds of times, because D Magazine World Headquarters is just up the street. I’ve never gone in, and I’m far less likely to ever go in now, knowing that restless sleepers lurk behind those windows.

This looks just like a nightmare I had once.

Some sort of bizarre medical equipment housed in the traffic signal at St. Paul and Federal?
Will all kiosks soon broadcast CW 33 programming?

Bark mentioned this guy, “poor holdover reporter Barry Carpenter,” in his post about Nightcap. He noted that Carpenter is possibly twice as old as some of his new colleagues. So he’s struggling to stay relevant to a young audience that doesn’t care much about local news. I get it.

But turning every object in the city into a green screen isn’t the way to go. Millennials are not hog-wild about green screens, despite whatever you might have heard.