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Texas Secession Petition Barrels Ahead

Source: Mario Piperni

As Republicans nationwide continue hoarding grains, ripping out what remains of their graying, fleeing hair, and praying to Grover Norquist, one has decided to do something about it. Micah H., an Arlington resident, has petitioned the United States of America (specifically the Obama White House) for permission to remove Texas from the rest of the country. His words: 

“The US continues to suffer economic difficulties stemming from the federal government’s neglect to reform domestic and foreign spending. The citizens of the US suffer from blatant abuses of their rights such as the NDAA, the TSA, etc. Given that the state of Texas maintains a balanced budget and is the 15th largest economy in the world, it is practically feasible for Texas to withdraw from the union, and to do so would protect it’s citizens’ standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers which are no longer being reflected by the federal government.”

Forget the jobs created by NASA and federal defense contractors, obviously.

Micah’s petition has already garnered more than 18,000 signatures, well on its way to its stated goal of 25,000. No idea what happens when they hit 25,000, but I assume the state will break off into the Gulf of Mexico.

(I saw this independently, then saw Wilonsky posted something about it an hour ago. Half hat-tip.)

UPDATE, from friend turned traitor/New York-returner Greg Howard, at the Village Voice: Some joker from Grand Forks, North Dakota submitted a similar petition, graciously asking New York to remove itself from the Union thankyouverymuch.