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A Plea To the Dallas Mavericks’ P.A. Announcer

I think his name is Brad Heath. That’s who it was last year, and the man I heard behind the mike on Saturday night at the Mavs’ home opener against Charlotte sounded basically the same. But there was something I didn’t notice last season: Heath (or whoever is handling P.A. duties) has a reliance on nicknames that borders on being some sort of personality disorder. Maybe I noticed it so much because O.J. Mayo had such a great game (30 points), which led Heath (or whoever is handling P.A. duties) to keep screaming, “Juice!” Which, okay, fine, Heath (or whoever is handling P.A. duties) pretty much did the same thing with Jason Terry and yelling “Jet” or “the Jet is on the runway” or whatever, and I don’t know why this is different, but it is. I guess I just find the nickname pretty unimaginative (not a big leap, exactly, but more to the point, it already belongs to O.J. Simpson for better or worse).

Anyway. Heath (or whoever is handling P.A. duties) also pretty much only calls Vince Carter “Vinsanity” which, no. No, sir. No, no, no. Can’t take it. No. “Jones checks in for Vinsanity.” NO. No way. Nuh-uh. No. Because 1) Earl Sweatshirt just dropped “feeling as hard as Vince Carter’s cartilage is” in a song and 2) seriously, dude is not doing much “half man, half amazing” things anymore. It’s like making fun of him to his face.

Heath (or whoever is handling P.A. duties) is allowed to call Shawn Marion “Matrix.” Totally fine. But he needs to mix in a Marion once or twice a game. Everyone else: last names, only. Because I swear there was a point on Saturday night when Heath (or whoever is handling P.A. duties) said Vinsanity, Matrix, and Juice in the same sentence, and I think even mixed in another nickname, and I was sitting there waiting for someone to walk on the court with a microphone to announce The Professor from the AND1 tour was checking in.

  • RowdyCMoore

    The actual name is SEAN Heath. And everything he does is exactly what his predecessor “Humble” Billy Hayes did. It’s Mark Cuban’s instruction, so he’s the one you should send this to if you have a problem.

  • PopEnglish

    Please go back and review nominative/objective -case differences in English. Should be “whoever”, not “whomever”, inside your parentheses. Hope this helps.

  • Tim Rogers

    Thanks, man. Zac and I will have a long, heartfelt discussion about this tomorrow. I’ve fixed his mistakes.

  • LCM

    Re: PopEnglish – Please note the last line of this.

    In the manner of who and whom, use whoever when a sentence requires a subject pronoun (equivalent to he or she). In formal English, use whomever when a sentence requires an object pronoun (equivalent to him or her). Contemporary usage, however, increasingly favors the use of whoever in both cases.

  • JSS

    Attended my first game of the year last night and am so glad I stopped being as season ticket holder as of this season (after 12 years). The team actually shows promise, and I look forward to watching them on TV. But the arena experience is like the Mavs aren’t even trying any more. From the horrible PA announcer (Juice, Dash Collison, etc.) to the pathetic halftime “entertainment,” going to the games just isn’t that much fun any more. Oh, and hasn’t the fat guy routine jumped the shark by now?