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Cops: Taking The Fun Out of Words Since Forever

I was skimming through this Morning News story this afternoon (a really fun, quick-hit crime story involving a fire extinguisher, and great mugshot) when I stumbled upon this line:

“Not knowing if arrestee had any saliva borne diseases [the officer] was forced to take ahold of arrestee’s head and secure it against the blacktop,” the report says.

Rewritten:

“I wasn’t sure if this lunatic was gonna bite me, so I had to grab his head and slam it to the pavement,” the report says.

See? How much more fun (and accurate) is that?

  • Scott

    Let me take a stab…

    “I was concerned the suspect was a Zombie and took every precaution to prevent a Zombie apocalypse. “

  • http://englemansarmy.com Mike Engleman

    Good! So you have been around the cop shot before.
    Good piece, Bradford, and welcome to the word riot.

  • Daniel

    Adjudging him a filthy cur, I briskly applied pavement to upside of suspect’s head.